


Daichi is Drunk, Ushijima is Best Boi and Lev nO WHAT ARE YOU DOING--

by Hetalia__Trash



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji Is So Done, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou are Bros, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Cute Yachi Hitoka, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Fluff and Crack, Gay Disaster Ennoshita Chikara, Gay Panic, How did this go off the rails so fast, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, Karasuno Family, Kiyoko is a Queen, Lev is pure, M/M, Mad Dog needs to calm down, Nishinoya and Tanaka are chaotic bi bros for life, Team Dad Sawamura Daichi, Team Mom Sugawara Koushi, They're playing werewolf btw, This escalated way too quickly, What Have I Done, What in the name of Daichi's drunk self is going on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:20:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 17,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26887999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hetalia__Trash/pseuds/Hetalia__Trash
Summary: Tanaka: BRO!Nishinoya: BRO! HI!!Tanaka: HI!!!Daichi: Someone stop themNishinoya: DUDE, HOW ARE YOU?Tanaka: I'M AWESOME! I FEEL LIKE WE HAVEN'T TALKED IN FOREVER!Nishinoya: It's only been two hours since we last spoke but I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!Suga: ENOUGHDaichi: Thank you, SugaSuga: My pleasureTsukishima: What are you, a Chick-fil-a employee?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Ennoshita Chikara/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kinoshita Hisashi/Narita Kazuhito, Kita Shinsuke/Ojiro Aran, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 77
Kudos: 614





	1. Yeet

**'The Goddesses' Private Chat'**

Yachi: Kiyoko! I just had the best idea! 

Kiyoko: What is it 

Yachi: So I found this game that you can play over text called "Werewolf" and I think it'll be hilarious if we get the boys to play it! 

Kiyoko: Interesting enough… how do you play? 

Yachi: WOOHOO! I knew you'd like the idea! 

Kiyoko: Any idea of yours has merit! :) 

Yachi: Aww ❤❤❤ 

Kiyoko: ♡ 

Yachi: Ok, I'll actually explain it now! 

Kiyoko: Please do 

_~A time skip brought to you by the purity of Kiyoyachi~_

***The Volleyball Groupchat***

Suga: We really need to change the name of this group chat, it's so bland! 

Ennoshita: What do you want it changed to? We can ask the moderators 

Suga: I was thinking Fire Death Team 

Hinata: Sounds badass! 

Tsukishima: Did you just swear? 

Hinata: Don't treat me like a little kid! I know how to swear! 

Tsukishima: It's not that, I was just unaware that you had the mental capacity to learn new words. 

Yamaguchi: Tsukki that's so mean! 

Tsukishima: There should be a comma after "Tsukki" there. 

Yamaguchi: Gomen, Tsukki 

Tsukishima: That's better. 

Suga: Seriously guys, renaming ideas! 

Daichi:The Volleyball Idiots 

Suga: BAHAHAHAHA YES!! Daichi you're amazing!!! 

Daichi: Thanks 

Ennoshita: I can feel you blushing from here, Daichi 

Daichi: Oh, hush 

Suga: ARE you blushing, Daichi?~~~ 

Daichi: NO 

Daichi: That was autocorrect. I mean, no. No I am not 

Tanaka: Suuuuuure 

Ennoshita: When did you get here, Tanaka? 

Tanaka: I've been here the whooole tiiime… Spooky, right? 

Ennoshita: Not really 

Kinoshita: Narita and I are here too! 

Narita: Hello! 

Kiyoko: Good. We have an idea we'd like to propose 

Hinata: YOU'RE GOING TO PROPOSE TO YACHI? 

Hinata: FINALLY!!!! 

Kiyoko: No, that's not what I meant… 

Yachi: No, no, we're n-not getting m-married! 

Nishinoya: You can tell Yachi's flustered when she somehow manages to stutter over text lol 

Tanaka: BRO! 

Nishinoya: BRO! HI!! 

Tanaka: HI!!! 

Daichi: Someone stop them 

Nishinoya: DUDE, HOW ARE YOU?

Tanaka: I'M AWESOME! I FEEL LIKE WE HAVEN'T TALKED IN FOREVER!

Nishinoya: It's only been two hours since we last spoke but I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!

Suga: ENOUGH

Daichi: Thank you, Suga

Suga: My pleasure

Tsukishima: What are you, a Chick-fil-a employee?

Yamaguchi: Guys! Yachi and Kiyoko were trying to say something!

Hinata: Yeah! Pay attention!

Yachi: Thanks, guys!

Kiyoko: What we were trying to say is that we found a game we think you might want to play.

Bokuto: Is it volleyball? Because I ALWAYS want to play volleyball!

Akaashi: I think she knows that we all play volleyball, Bokuto-san

Kuroo: lmao RIP Bokuto

Yachi: Can we PLEASE not get sidetracked again?

Kiyoko: We want to play Werewolf

Tanaka: ANYTHING FOR YOU, KIYOKO!

Nishinoya: I'd follow you to the ends of the earth!

Asahi: :,(

Nishinoya: NO I DON'T LIKE HER ANYMORE I SWEAR I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT ILY ILYSM!!!!

Asahi: Wow

Asahi: Thank you

Nishinoya: ASAHI UR THE ONLY ONE FOR ME I SWEAR!!! 

Asahi: I love you, too :)

Suga: Asahi, no one uses emoticons anymore lol

Ennoshita: Kiyoko, you were saying?

Kiyoko: Yachi and I want to play Werewolf with all of you. We found a way to do it through text.

Kageyama: How do you play?

Hinata: Since when do you like playing games, Bakageyama?

Hinata: Actually, since when do you like doing ANYTHING fun

Kageyama: SHUT UP BOKE

Tsukishima: I want to correct your punctuation so badly.

Yamaguchi: Self-restraint, Tsukki!

Tsukishima: How about no?

Suga: Wow the salt is overpowering

Tsukishima: Please just leave me alone.

Daichi: WILL YOU FOCUS?!

Yamaguchi: Gomen, Daichi

Yachi: SO, anyway, has anyone played Werewolf before?

Kenma: I have

Kuroo: I’ve played with Kenma

Hinata: Me too!

Kuroo: Of course you have…

Yamaguchi: I’ve played once or twice, with my little cousins

Akaashi: I have as well

Tendou: I’ve played!

Ushijima: As have I.

Yachi: Great! More than I thought!

Yachi: So, could you help me explain the game? Like, in case I forget something?

Hinata: We got this!

Yamaguchi: Sure, no problem :)

Yachi: Alright! The basic concept is that the werewolves have to kill all the villagers without getting caught and killed themselves. The Moderators are Kiyoko and I, so we get to decide what roles everyone will play! We’ll have private chats for each role, so keep an eye out so you can learn what’s going on. The Moderators will choose 8 werewolves and the other 16 will be villagers! The wolves can choose one villager to kill every night and then, during the day, the villagers have to try to figure out who the werewolves are before they all die. The villagers can also choose to kill one person per day.

Yachi: My thumbs are tired, can you take over, Kiyoko?

Kiyoko: Of course. The person they kill is decided by a vote, because the villagers don’t know who the wolves are. The werewolves all have to have fake personas so that they can pretend to be normal villagers. There are a few special roles that the villagers can have. They are Doctor, Seer, Witch, Matchmaker, and Drunk (If I missed any roles please tell me). Once the wolves have chosen who they want to kill, the Doctors can pick one person to save, including themself.  
This person is safe even if they were the one the werewolves were going to kill. Remember, the others are not allowed to know what your role is until after you’re dead. The Seer can choose one person per night to question. The Moderators will tell the Seer whether or not the person is a werewolf, but the Seer is the only one who is allowed to know the results of the questioning. The Witch can choose to kill one person using poison or save one person using a potion at any time, but they can only do each thing once. The Drunk can only speak using emojis, even if they think they know who the wolves are. The Matchmaker can choose two people to be a “pair,” and if one person in the pair wins the game, then the other wins too.

Hinata: After the vote in the village, night falls again and the cycle repeats.

Kageyama: Wow that’s really complicated

Hinata: Not confused, are you, Bakageyama?

Kageyama: NO!

Yamaguchi: It’s okay, it gets easier the more you play.

Yachi: So, is everyone ready to start? We’ve already got the roles planned and we’ll make the individual chats as soon as everyone wants to :D

Nishinoya: If we’re gonna play, we need more interesting names! Who’s the owner of the chat?

Kiyoko: That would be me

Yachi: And I’m co-owner!

Tanaka: Take it away, then, ladies!

Yachi: Should we spice this up a bit, Kiyoko?

Kiyoko: Definitely. Who else should be an owner?

Kiyoko gave Ennoshita, Daichi, Kenma, Akaashi, Yamaguchi, Tendou and Hinata editing access to the chat

Daichi renamed the chat “The Volleyball Idiots”

Suga: YES!!!

Yachi renamed themself “Villager B”

Yachi renamed Kiyoko “The Goddess”

The Goddess: You’re so much more than Villager B, Yachi.

Villager B: That’s sweet, my goddess, but I’m proud to be Villager B! I’ve learned to love myself!

The Goddess: I’m so glad

Villager B: I love you!

The Goddess: I love you, too!

Nishinoya: Awwww

Villager B renamed Hinata “Flying Orange”

Flying Orange: Strange, but accurate

Kageyama: lmao yep

Flying Orange renamed Kageyama “KaGAYyama”

Tanaka: YOOOOO KAGAYAMA GOT EXPOSED

Nishinoya: Dayummm

KaGAYama: BOKE

The Goddess renamed Tanaka “Hairless Cat”

The Goddess renamed Nishinoya “Elementary Schooler”

Hairless Cat: Wow

Elementary Schooler: Ouch

Suga: That’s just cold

Daichi renamed Suga “Sugamama”

Daichi renamed themself “Dadchi”

Sugamama: That fits way better than I expected

Sugamama: Hey, we’re a pair!

Dadchi: I—didn’t even mean for that to happen…

Sugamama: It’s okay, Dadchi 😉

Hairless Cat: And I oop—

Dadchi: There are no words

Tsukishima: You got that right

Yamaguchi renamed themself “$yamagucci$”

Yamaguchi renamed Tsukishima “Dino Nuggets”

Dino Nuggets: YAMAGUCHI

Dino Nuggets: HOW DARE YOU. CHANGE IT BACK.

$yamagucci$: Never

Dino Nuggets: I can’t stand you.

$yamagucci$: And yet you’re still dating me!

Dino Nuggets: It’s quite the conundrum.

$yamagucci$: It really is

Dadchi renamed Ennoshita “Mom-in-training”

$yamagucci$ renamed Kinoshita “Best at Serves”

Best at Serves: Awww! That’s too nice, Yamaguchi! I’m really not that good…

$yamagucci$: Don’t say that! You’re awesome!

Narita: He is, isn’t he?

Best at Serves: I feel like I’m being showered with praise! This is crazy, guys! Stop it! -////-

Narita: You deserve it

Best at Serves: ily

Narita: Love you too!

Flying Orange: Wait, you two are dating?

Dadchi: Why did we not know about this?

Sugamama: Why did we not know about this?

Flying Orange: Wow, they even talk at the same time

Narita: We told you three months ago -_-

$yamagucci$: What?!?!

Best at Serves: *sigh*

Narita: Someday someone will remember us… someday…

Best at Serves: Narita! Don't start breaking the fourth wall already! We're not even past the second chapter yet!

Narita: Right, sorry!

Elementary Schooler: What was all that? 

Narita: Nothing

Best at Serves: Nothing 

Hairless Cat: Okay…

Mom-in-Training renamed Narita “Tanaka but Irrelevant” 

Tanaka but Irrelevant: Okay, that really hurt

Best at Serves: ENNOSHITA! Change it back!

Mom-in-Training: Hmm… no.

Mom-in-Training: I love you both, though, I promise

Tanaka but Irrelevant: Somehow I doubt that

Best at Serves: >:( What Narita said!

Asahi: Can I make a request? 

Dadchi: Sure, what’s up? 

Asahi: Can you change my name to BDSM?

Dadchi: I’M SORRY, WHAT???/?/!!!!1!11!!

Sugamama: OH MY GOD ASAHI 

Asahi: What? What did I do?

Elementary Schooler: DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

Asahi: Yeah! Abbreviating things is cool, right? I’m trying to be cool here 

Sugamama: If you have to TRY to be cool, it isn’t cool

Dadchi: Asahi

Dadchi: What do you think BDSM stands for?

Asahi: Bible Discussion Service Meeting! That’s what Noya said!

Dadchi: NISHINOYA

Elementary Schooler: OML I TOTALLY FORGOT I TOLD HIM THAT LMAOOOOOOO

Sugamama: Asahi, that’s not what BDSM stands for…

Asahi: What DOES it stand for? What did I do wrong?

Dadchi: I’m sorry, Asahi… There’s no way I’m explaining BDSM to you.

Asahi: But I want to know!

Kenma: Then open an Incognito tab and look it up 

Asahi: Why does it need to be an Incognito tab?!?!

Elementary Schooler: I’m so sorry, Asahi

Asahi: OH MY GOODNESS.

Asahi: NOYA. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

Asahi: MY EYES.

Elementary Schooler: I’m sorry, I’m sorry! It was a joke!

Kenma: oh he actually looked it up

Kuroo: Pffft lol

Dadchi renamed Asahi “Pure Child”

Pure Child: WELL I’M NOT PURE ANYMORE THANKS TO MY BOYFRIEND

Elementary Schooler: I said I was sorry! Like 4 times!

Sugamama: OKAY, MOVING ON

Kenma renamed Iwaizumi “Iwa-chan~~~”

Iwa-chan~~~: WTF KENMA

Kenma: Oikawa paid me

Oikawa: No regrets

Iwa-chan~~~: You’ll regret it alright

Oikawa: Oohhh are you gonna punish me, Iwa-chan? 

Pure Child: SOMEONE STOP THEM

Pure Child: I’VE SEEN ENOUGH OF THIS FOR ONE DAY

Kenma renamed Oikawa “Oinkawa 🐷”

Oinkawa 🐷: I’m sorry, WHAT?

Iwa-chan~~~: It’s because you’re a pig, Tooru.

Iwa-chan~~~: Okay, now we’re even

Oinkawa 🐷: I wouldn’t call this “even”. You could try being nice to me for once, Iwa!

Iwa-chan~~~: … We’ll talk about this later

Villager B: Umm… I feel like this might be private so I’ll pretend I didn’t read that

Oinkawa 🐷: Thank you

Flying Orange renamed Ushijima “A g r i c u l t u r e” 

A g r i c u l t u r e: I do not understand. I do not work in the agricultural industry.

KaGAYama: lmao you wouldn’t get it 

A g r i c u l t u r e: Well, I’d like to understand my own name.

Tendou: Shhhhh… You don’t need to know

A g r i c u l t u r e: Okay then…

Tendou renamed themself “nAnI wO?” 

A g r i c u l t u r e: Is this about that strange song you always sing?

nAnI wO?: You remembered! Yeah, it is!

Mom-in-Training renamed Yahaba “Dog Trainer”

Kenma renamed Kyoutani “Grumpy Puppy”

Grumpy Puppy: Wth 

Dog Trainer: ???

Oinkawa 🐷: Oooh I think you two just got exposed! 

Dog Trainer: We’re not together! Why the heck would you guys think that?

Iwa-chan~~~: Everyone knows, Yahaba.

Iwa-chan~~~: The sexual tension was so tangible I could practically pick it out of the air

Oinkawa 🐷: Amen to that

Grumpy Puppy: Screw you 

Oinkawa 🐷: Kyoutani!! Respect your parents!

Grumpy Puppy: You’re nOT MY—Oh, forget it

Iwa-chan~~~: Don’t talk back to your father, Kyoutani

Oinkawa 🐷: Iwa-chan! :D

Iwa-chan~~~: I have my moments

Kenma renamed Kuroo "COCK 🐓"

COCK 🐓: I'm very confused but I think I'll just roll with it

Kenma: Again, I was paid

Yaku: Somehow I doubt that 👀

Flying Orange: It's because of your rooster hair, Kuroo!

Kenma renamed Yaku "Fun-Size"

Fun-Size: KENMA I STG

Kenma: Ha

Lev: 😂😂☺☺☺😃😃😈😉

Kenma renamed Lev "Daddy Long Legs"

Fun-Size: I just choked on my coffee

Fun-Size: Wtf Lev

Daddy Long Legs: I'm talking about the spider! You know, because they have really long legs like me?

Fun-Size: OH

Fun-Size: Oh, thank God

COCK 🐓: Is there something going on between you two that we don't know about, Yaku and Lev??

Fun-Size: NO

Fun-Size: WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU THINK THAT?

Fun-Size: EW

Daddy Long Legs: :,(

Fun-Size: LEV, NOT HELPFUL

COCK 🐓: I never pegged you as a bottom, Yaku, but I've been wrong before…

Fun-Size: STFU KUROO I'M NOT A BOTTOM

Kenma: So you admit you're sleeping with Lev?

Fun-Size: NEVER

Daddy Long Legs: Should I just change my name?

Kenma: No it's fine the way it is

Fun-Size: Dammit Kenma 

COCK 🐓: Kenma, you need a new name too!

Kenma: Do I have to?

COCK 🐓: Absolutely

Kenma renamed themself "Kenya"

Fun-Size: What?

Kenya: Autocorrect

Kenya: You said I had to change my name

COCK 🐓: Good enough for me!

$yamagucci$: Who else still needs names?

Akaashi: Just Bokuto and I

Akaashi renamed themself "Send Help™"

Akaashi renamed Bokuto "HOOT!"

HOOT!: Yayyyyy!

Send Help™: Seriously

Send Help™: Send help

Kenya: F in the chat

COCK 🐓: RIP Akaashi

Send Help™: Let's just get this over with

Flying Orange: YEET

Elementary Schooler: YEET

Hairless Cat: YEET

Dino Nuggets: wiLL YOU SHUT UP-

$yamagucci$: …….

$yamagucci$: yeet

Dino Nuggets: Tadashi

Dino Nuggets: How could you betray me?

KaGAYama: Couple's spat

Sugamama: oOp

Flying Orange: Oooooooohhh

Kenya: Is there a point to any of this?

COCK 🐓: Maybe

HOOT!: Who knows

The Goddess: SO

The Goddess: As we were saying

Villager B: We'll divide you up into groups now! Everybody ready?

Flying Orange: Born ready!!!!

Dino Nuggets: Fun fact: Those who use multiple exclamation points are more likely to be gay than those who don't. The more exclamation points, the more gay you are.

$yamagucci$: Tsukki, I've never seen you use a single exclamation point in your life

Dino Nuggets: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

$yamagucci$: Awww, Tsukki!!

Dino Nuggets: Just proving a point.

The Goddess added Werewolf Bot


	2. Title? What title?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! •́ε•̀٥ School was being a bish

*PM Flying Orange and Werewolf Bot*

Flying Orange: Oh! Is it my turn?!?!

Werewolf Bot: You’re a werewolf, Hinata! You and your fellow wolves will meet in a few minutes   
and decide who to kill on the first night. Keep a lookout for the gc notifications ;3

Flying Orange: :0!!!!! That sounds so fun!!!

*PM Dino Nuggets and Werewolf Bot*

Werewolf Bot: You have been chosen as a Villager. You do not have any actions to complete.

Dino Nuggets: At least I’m not a werewolf

Werewolf Bot: I bet ur wondering what Yams is

Werewolf Bot: 👀

Dino Nuggets: s h u t

Dino Nuggets: u p

*PM KaGAYama and Werewolf Bot*

Werewolf Bot: You are the Matchmaker. Choose two players to match up, if one of them gets killed, the other does too, the same with winning. If you get killed your position gets revealed. Enter Player1/Player2 to make your decision.

KaGAYama: I’m w h a t now???

Werewolf Bot: You heard me

KaGAYama: um, KaGAYama/Flying Orange

Werewolf Bot: HA I should’ve known 

KaGAYama: Leave me alone -_-

*PM Dadchi and Werewolf Bot*

Werewolf Bot: You are the Drunk, your voting options will be randomized! Also, you can only   
communicate with emojis! You’ll be disqualified if you don’t

Dadchi: I’ve never even been drunk

Dadchi: Wait… nvm

Werewolf Bot: BOI WHAT DID I JUST SAY

Dadchi: 😡😢😰😒😒🍷🍻🍹🍸🥃

Werewolf Bot: That’s more like it

Dadchi: 😒

*PM $yamagucci$ and Werewolf Bot*

Werewolf Bot: Yamaguchi, you get to be a werewolf!!!!!!!

$yamagucci$: ...Yay?

Werewolf Bot: DANG RIGHT “YAY” THIS IS THE HONOR OF A LIFETIME

$yamagucci$: I am so confused rn

Werewolf Bot: You will convene with your fellow wolves in a gc we’ll send you in a few minutes. Get ready to slaughter your first victim and feast on their flesh!

$yamagucci$: When you phrase it like that it sounds WAY less fun

*PM Sugamama and Werewolf Bot*

Werewolf Bot: The protector has now become the enemy. You’re a werewolf! A groupchat with your team of wolves will appear shortly.

Sugamama: Pray tell, who are my comrades?

Werewolf Bot: …No spoilers

Sugamama: Bruh itsg

Sugamama: I am not patient enough for this shit

Werewolf Bot: You've been patient enough to wait for Daichi to realize your feelings for him for a year and a half  
Sugamama: Okay that's a low blow

*PM Best at Serves and Werewolf Bot*

Werewolf Bot: You are a Villager, you do nothing except vote for who you think the werewolf is at the end of the round.

Best at Serves: Why did I already expect that?

Werewolf Bot: ...oof

*PM Tanaka But Irrelevant and Werewolf Bot*

Werewolf Bot: Congratulations! You are a villager! You get to vote and try to figure out who the wolves are!

Tanaka But Irrelevant: I got the boring job, didn’t I?

Werewolf Bot: ...kinda, yeah

Tanaka But Irrelevant: *sigh*

*PM Pure Child and Werewolf Bot*

Werewolf Bot: Guess who gets to be a werewolf?!?!?!

Pure Child: I have to kill my teammates?

Werewolf Bot: Heck yeah ya do! Have fun!

Pure Child: ;—;

Werewolf Bot: Mwahahahahahaaa

*PM A g r i c u l t u r e, Hairless Cat and Werewolf Bot*

Werewolf Bot: You two are doctors! Welcome to your group chat! You are allowed to save one person each, even yourselves, per round, and that person will be immune to being killed.

Hairless Cat: Heeeeeyyyy I get to show my CHIVALRY!!!!!

A g r i c u l t u r e: I notice that you used multiple exclamations points.

Hairless Cat: ………….

A g r i c u l t u r e: I look forward to working with you.

Hairless Cat: Damn

Hairless Cat: Okay

Werewolf Bot: So, who are you gonna save?

Hairless Cat: Uhhhhhhhhhmm

Hairless Cat: /SaveMom-In-Training ig

A g r i c u l t u r e: I’ll save Oikawa.

A g r i c u l t u r e: /saveOinkawa

Werewolf Bot: Why…?

A g r i c u l t u r e: Maybe he’ll transfer to Shiratorizawa if I save him.

Werewolf Bot: Keep dreaming, farmer boy

*PM Elementary Schooler and Werewolf Bot*

Werewolf Bot: You have been handpicked for the role of Villager! You get to vote to kill someone off at the end of this round :333

Elementary Schooler: awww I was hoping to be a werewolf… :’( but ig this is cool too

Werewolf Bot: rip maybe you’ll get it next time lol

Elementary Schooler: I’ll pray to Asahi then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the Pms will be added on to this chapter soon! Thanks for reading~(⌒▽⌒)~


	3. wooo more pms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was posted on Wednesday, just very very late, cause I procrastinated all week lmao

PM Kenya and Werewolf Bot

Werewolf Bot: Congratulations! You’re the alpha werewolf, you get to make the final decision when your fellow werewolf underlings decide on someone to kill! A group chat with the rest of your kind will pop up soon.

Kenya: Tsukishima dies first

Werewolf Bot: BRO--that was fast

Kenya: Exactly

PM Grumpy Puppy and Werewolf Bot

Werewolf Bot: Kyoutani, the honorable title of Villager hath been bestowed on thee! Thou shalt vote when the day ends, and no more.

Grumpy Puppy: Dafuq

Werewolf Bot: You're a villager. You kill wolves

Grumpy Puppy: I got the lame job? That's bullshit

Werewolf Bot: Thou wouldst do well to watch thy profanity

Grumpy Puppy: Wait a dam minute

Grumpy Puppy: This is Makki and Mattsun isn't it

Werewolf Bot: no its Kermit the frog

Grumpy Puppy: I'm coming after you two at morning practice tomorrow

Werewolf Bot: Is Kermit on your volleyball team peasant?

Grumpy Puppy: I hate you

Werewolf Bot: Daaaawww how sweet

Werewolf Bot: Ha he WISHES Kermit the frog was on his volleyball team

Werewolf Bot: They’d be unstoppable

PM COCK 🐓 and Werewolf Bot

Werewolf Bot: Guess who's a VILLAGER!!!

COCK 🐓: Oof

COCK 🐓: I was hoping to apply for the position of Gay Villager-Seducer but this will have to do

Werewolf Bot: Bro u text like a grandmother

Werewolf Bot: Proper grammar and everything

COCK 🐓: YES, I AM YOUR GAY GRANDMOTHER

COCK 🐓: FEAR ME

Werewolf Bot: I have so many questions that i don’t want to ask

COCK 🐓: >:3

PM Werewolf Bot and Kenya

Kenya: u again?

Werewolf Bot: Ye sorry

Werewolf Bot: I came to ask u abt ur man

Kenya: 1. Kuroo and I aren't together  
2\. … he made the gay grandmother speech again, didn't he

Werewolf Bot: Yes and I’m scared

Kenya: Just roll with it, he'll tire himself out eventually

Werewolf Bot: O-okay…

PM nAnI wO? and Werewolf Bot

Werewolf Bot: Villager

nAnI wO?: You disappoint me comrades

Werewolf Bot: Srry bro, wasn't our choice

nAnI wO?: I had hoped my own brothers in memeing would give me a more interesting part

Werewolf Bot: No can do señor

nAnI wO: Welp guess it's time to find some murderers

nAnI wO: Knowing you two, it’s probs the innocent-looking ones like Yams and Orange Boy and Cream Puff. And probably that gamer kid with the bleached hair and the crush on 🐓

Werewolf Bot: the Guess Monsters at it again dudes

nAnI wO: don’t worry, I’m not gonna spoil the surprise

nAnI wO: I T H R I V E on chaos 

Werewolf Bot: As do we, as do we… 

PM Oinkawa🐷 and Werewolf Bot

Werewolf Bot: yoooo you’ve been appointed to be a witch! You can either choose one person to die or save someone, with ur potions

Oinkawa🐷: I’ll be the dashing hero and save Iwa-chan! /givesafepotiontoIwa-chan~~~

Werewolf Bot: what, do you loveeeee himmmm?

Oinkawa🐷: of course! What kind of person doesn’t love their partner! I mean, have you s e e n his biceps

Werewolf Bot: You right, you right

Werewolf Bot: he do be attractive

Oinkawa🐷: ikr and he’s mine~

Werewolf Bot: this is starting to get weird, peace out

PM Mom-in-Training and Werewolf Bot

Werewolf Bot: You’re the seer! Type /relevealplayer and we’ll tell you who that person is

Mom-in-Training: hmm /revealhairlesscat why not

Werewolf Bot: he’s one of the doctors, although, I’m sensing a reoccurring theme here ;)

Mom-in-Training: ?????? what do you mean

Werewolf Bot: sighhh everyone’s so oblivious... You’ll *hopefully* realize it soon

Mom-in-Training: weird but okay

PM Dog Trainer and Werewolf Bot

Werewolf Bot: Why hello dog trainer, you are one of the werewolves! A group chat with people also assigned this will pop up in a bit ;3

Dog Trainer: Don’t call me that

Werewolf Bot: I daresay, you’re the perfect fit for the job

Dog Trainer: shut up, or I’ll find a way to kill you

Werewolf Bot: That’s impossible

Dog Trainer: Is it? We’ll have to see

Werewolf Bot: I’m taking this as my cue to run...

Dog Trainer: yes, look behind you.

Werewolf Bot: oH SHI-

PM HOOT! And Werewolf Bot

Werewolf Bot: Hey! We have picked you as one of the werewolves!! Look out for the special werewolf groupchat

HOOT!: Hey hey hey!!! That sounds fun! As long as we don’t kill agaashi, who would kill him??

Werewolf Bot: Idk but have fun playing :D

HOOT!: Thanks :DDD

PM Daddy Long Legs and Werewolf Bot

Werewolf Bot: You’re one of the werewolves a chat with the rest of them will pop up shortly

Daddy Long Legs: :0 this is cool n all, but why do you sound so depressed?

Werewolf Bot: We’ve been doing PMs for so long...all saying mostly the same thing, I feel like death

Daddy Long Legs: That sounds like it sucks :,(

Werewolf Bot: It’s fine, we do it for the blackma- I mean useful information

Daddy Long Legs: Oh, okay! Just like what Kuroo tells me when he’s spying on me and Yaku :D

Werewolf Bot: well, this is certainly useful…… 

Daddy Long Legs: It is? Cool!

Werewolf Bot: yes yes, now tell me more….later of course

Daddy Long Legs: Sure!

PM Send Help™ and Werewolf Bot

Werewolf Bot: You have been chosen as a Villager, enjoy killing your friends!

Send Help™: I doubt one would label that as enjoyable, but ok

Werewolf Bot: Just trust me, It’ll be fun when it happens

Send Help™: mhm, I just hope Bo doesn’t go in his emo mode if he loses

Werewolf Bot: Understandable, have a nice day

PM Fun-Size and Werewolf Bot

Werewolf Bot: You are a Villager, you can vote for whoever you think is the werewolf

Fun-size: I bet Lev is a werewolf

Werewolf Bot: How so?

Fun-Size: idk I can just feel it

Werewolf Bot: You really r the mom of Nekoma huh

Fun-size: No im not, Kuroo just likes to spread rumors

Werewolf Bot: sure….. 

PM Iwa-Chan~~~ and Werewolf Bot

Werewolf Bot: you didn’t get that much of an exciting role, you’re a villager 

Iwa-Chan~~~: eh idrc 

Werewolf Bot: geez have sum emotion

Iwa-chan~~~: wow! I don’t care!

Werewolf Bot: I can feel the sarcasm through the screen lol

PM Daddy Long Legs, HOOT!, Dog Trainer, Kenya, Pure Child, Sugamama, $yamagucci$, Flying Orange, and Werewolf Bot

Werewolf Bot: Welcome to your werewolf group chat! Here you decide who to kill each day, the alpha werewolf-Kenya will type /killplayer after you guys have chosen. Have fun killing your friends!!

Pure Child: what if we just skip and not kill anyone??

Kenya: no

Sugamama: no

Dog trainer: no

$yamagucci$: no

Pure Child: ;-;

$yamagucci$: Can we kill Tsukki? 😀

Kenya: I was thinking the same thing

Sugamama: woah woAH WOAH-Yams, bby, he's your man. You're really willing to betray him like that? He might pretend he has no emotions other than "pissy biotch," but he's sensitive!!

$yamagucci$: Exactly. He trusts me, so no one will ever guess that I'm the one who offed him :-)

HOOT!: Woah O.O smort bois

Dog Trainer: It takes very little intelligence to come up with a plan that simple.

Dog Trainer: oh

Dog Trainer: wait

Flying Orange: Ouch I felt that one

Dog Trainer: what I don't understand is why Kenma wants Tsukishima dead too

Daddy Long Legs: Yeah, Kenma, what's up with that?

Kenya: it just seemed like a logical choice. He's one of the smartest players, so he'll probably figure out who the wolves are easily if we don't kill him off now

Flying Orange: Are you mad at Tsukishima because you thought that Kuroo was crushing on him during training camp?

Daddy Long Legs: oooooooooo

HOOT!: OOOOoooooooooo

$yamagucci$: Ooooooooooooo

Kenya: Oh, for goD'S SAKE-

Sugamama: So we're killing our salty son--I mean our beloved Tsukki?

$yamagucci$: Sounds good

Flying Orange: Yes mum

Sugamama: fOR THE LAST TIME

Dog Trainer: Oh no, here we go

Sugamama: JUST BECAUSE I EXHIBIT SOME MATERNAL QUALITIES DOES NOT MEAN THAT I'M YOUR REAL MOTHER

Flying Orange: But you and Daichi are our mom and dad!!!

Kenya: Hinata you're only making this worse--

Sugamama: OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, IF WE WERE ACTUALLY A COUPLE WE'D WORK THROUGH ISSUES TOGETHER AND NEITHER OF US WOULD TAKE ON A MORE MASCULINE OR FEMININE ROLE IN THE RELATIONSHIP

HOOT!: You've clearly thought about this topic a lot

Sugamama: I MEAN, YOU REALLY THINK THAT I'D BOTTOM FOR DAICHI ALL THE TIME? LIKE, SERIOUSLY! I'D BOTTOM SOMETIMES, OBVIOUSLY, BUT NOT ALL THE TIME. I CAN'T LET HIM HAVE ALL THE FUN LIKE HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE THIGHS?!?!?!?

Kenya: /killDinoNuggets!!!!!

Kenya: END MY SUFFERING

Sugamama: Sorry, I got a little out of control there. I have a lot of feelings

Flying Orange: what's a bottom?

$yamagucci$: Oh… oh no…

Daddy Long Legs: Yeah, what Hinata said

Dog Trainer: I regret everything

Pure Child: Same

Sugamama: Hinata, I just…

Kenya: Everyone SHUT UP--HE'S PURE

Werewolf Bot: I see that youve decided to kill Tsukishima. Shall we retreat to the village gc?

Dog Trainer: YES /PLEASE/ GET ME OUT OF HERE

Sugamama: Wait guys

Sugamama: I just got an idea  
… don't give me away, 'kay? Trust your non-gendered parent-figure


	4. The Death of Tsukishima Kei

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo, 'tis me, back once more!! ps u r loved

The Volleyball Idiots

Werewolf Bot: hey babes, we got exciting newwwwwwssss

Werewolf Bot: For Tsukkiii

Dino Nuggets: What do you want? And don't call me that

Sugamama: 😯

Dadchi: 😐

Grumpy Puppy: Let's get on with it then

Oinkawa 🐷: Wheeeeee

KaGAYama: Did Tsukishima die?

Werewolf Bot: You walk alone into the yard outside your humble cottage to check on your cats and chickens. The werewolves have been taking more and more animals recently, and you are determined not to let the beasts get yours. As you approach the chicken coop, you are frozen in your tracks by a distinct rustling in the bushes…

Dino Nuggets: Is there a point to this or…

Werewolf Bot: SHUSH AND LET ME TELL THE STORYYY

Werewolf Bot: You whirl around, swiping your pathetically dim torch through the air to light the clearing behind you. You see nothing. Shuffling forward, strangely nervous now, you are undoing the latch on the henhouse door when a dark shape crashes out of the brush behind you! The torch flies from your hand into the dewy grass as you are pounced on. You turn just in time to catch a glimpse of the awful thing pinning you down. Lengthy fangs drip with frothy saliva, glowing red eyes bore into your soul, massive claws pierce your chest, and the bristly fur of the werewolf against your face is the last terrifying sensation you feel before its teeth sink into your throat.

Werewolf Bot: YAAAYYY Tsukishima's dead!

COCK 🐓: TSUKKI NOOOOOO

HOOT!: I MUST MOURN MY ANGRY SON

Send Help™: What a tragedy 

HOOT!: AKAASHIIIIII DO YOU HAVE NO FEELINGS!?!??!!! MOURN WITH MEEEEEE

Send Help™: You are such a drama queen

HOOT!: 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢

Kenya: But Akaashi loves him anyway

COCK 🐓: But they still looooove each other 👀

Sugamama: 💖💖❤💙💛👀😉

Dadchi: 😡😡😡😐😲

Sugamama: 😈😇😇

Dadchi: 😠😂

Flying Orange: Wait… are they both the drunk?

The Goddess: No, we only assigned one person that role…

Hairless Cat: OOOOH so one of em's an impasta!!

Mom-in-Training: *imposter

Sugamama: 😞

Dadchi: 😞

Pure Child: Oh no…

Elementary Schooler: oH YeS

Dino Nuggets: Are you gonna tell me who killed me?

Werewolf Bot: Oh no no no! If we revealed that information you could text it to other people and we can’t let that happen!!!

Dino Nuggets: At least I can go back to my life now I guess

COCK 🐓: But Tsukiiiiii, dont u want to knowwww

Dino Nuggets: Don’t call me that

$yamagucci$: don’t call him that

Werewolf Bot: Alright my girls, gays, queens, and queers, it's time to vote somebody off!

nAnI wO?: nice job channeling ur inner Chris

Werewolf Bot: D'awwww, thanksss

A g r i c u l t u r e: Who?

HOOT!: Hey, that's my line!

Iwa-chan~~~: Dear lord can we get this over with?

Hairless Cat: I say we should kill Werewolf Bot

Elementary Schooler: Can we even do that?

Werewolf Bot: NO, no you can't! I'm just the moderator!!!

KaGAYama: Let's kill Iwaizumi

Flying Orange: why would we do that¿?

KaGAYama: He seemed too eager to get to the voting, it's suspicious

Sugamama: 😓

Kenya: How is that suspicious?

Dog Trainer: ????

KaGAYama: I mean it would seriously piss off Oikawa, sooooo…

Send Help™: Why did Tsukishima have to die first? This chat has already lost 23% of its brainpower

COCK 🐓: Hey, Kenma and I are still here! And you, Akaashi! And Daichi, Suga, and Iwaizumi!

Send Help™: I know, we're the other 77%

Grumpy Puppy: Are you saying that the rest of us are brainless?

Send Help™: That depends

Kenya: Yes

COCK 🐓: KENMA! I love you (no homo) but tone down the sass bby!

Kenya: …

Kenya: fine

Oinkawa 🐷: ohoho somebody’s whipped~

Kenya: stfu

Kenya: we’re wasting time, vote

Dadchi: 👀💪💀?

Sugamama: 💁💢💪👎

Dadchi: /voteIwa-chan~~~

Sugamama: /voteIwa-chan~~~

$yamagucci$: /voteIwa-chan~~~

Iwa-chan~~~: wtf I literally said nothing

COCK 🐓: That’s the point.../voteIwa-chan~~~

Iwa-chan~~~: So, you’re voting for me because I didn’t say anything?? 

HOOT!: I trust my bro /voteIwa-chan~~~

Oinkawa 🐷: Ha! Jokes on you Kageyama! I was going to vote him off anyway

Oinkawa 🐷: /voteIwa-chan~~~

Werewolf Bot: u sure about that 

Oinkawa 🐷: I- nevermind…

KaGAYama: /voteIwa-chan~~~

Send Help™: So I take it we’ve decided on Iwaizumi?

Kenya: yeah  
Send Help™: /voteIwa-chan~~~

Hairless Cat: /voteIwa-chan~~~

Elementary Schooler: /voteIwa-chan~~~

Dog Trainer: /voteIwa-chan~~~ apologies mother

Iwa-chan~~~: -_-

Flying Orange: srry Iwaizumi! /voteIwa-chan~~~

Tanaka But Irrelevant: /voteIwa-chan~~~ might as well blend in as usual

Best At Serves: I think I’ll be daring today

Best at Serves: /voteKaGAYama you never know

Tanaka But Irrelevant: True

Dino Nuggets: If I wasn’t dead I would do the same.

KaGAYama: 😒

Mom-in-training: /voteIwa-chan~~~

Grumpy Puppy: /voteIwa-chan~~~

Pure Child: umm do I have to vote?

WereWolf Bot: yes.

Pure Child: )’: /voteIwa-chan~~~

Fun-size: i suppose /voteIwa-chan~~~

Daddy Long Legs: If Yaku voted him I will too! /voteIwa-chan~~~

nAnI wO?: ik who it is, but in the meantime

nAnI wO? deleted a message

nAnI wO?: /voteIwa-chan~~~ you saw nothing

A g r i c u l t u r e: Okay Tendou. /voteIwa-chan~~~

Werewolf Bot: It seems like the village has decided! 

Werewolf Bot: The villagers tied Iwaizumi to a pole and burned him alive😃

Elementary Schooler: oop-

Werewolf Bot: oop indeed, Iwa was not a werewolf~

Werewolf Bot: Day two will commence shortly

(Here’s a lil treat for you guys :333)

Oinkawa: I know for a FACT that something is going on between Yahaba and Mad Dog. THEY’RE CONSPIRING AGAINST US GUYS--

Oikawa’s Alien Friends: It’s called dating, not conspiring

Oinkawa: Wait… there’s a difference?

Iwa-chan~~~: Tooru wth--

Grumpy Puppy: FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME WE’RE NOT F***ING--

Grumpy Puppy: You know what? Forget it

Oinkawa: WAIT

Oinkawa: You’re not?!?!!? Darn, now I owe Iwa-chan money!

Sugamama: Did you srsly just say “darn” lmao

Dog Trainer: Well, technically you don’t 

Dog Trainer: Owe him money, I mean

Grumpy Puppy: I was going to say “We aren’t f***ing dating”

Iwa-chan~~~: So you are f***ing? 

Dino Nuggets: Obviously


	5. The Real Chapter 5

Previously, on this chaotic thing...

Werewolf Bot: oop indeed, Iwa was not a werewolf

Oinkawa 🐷: WHAT?!?!?!! NO!!!!! I KILLED THE LOVE OF MY LIFE FOR NOTHING?!?!?

Dog Trainer: "No"? You voted for him

Grumpy Puppy: Love of your life? You make me want to barf

Kenya: At least SOMEONE here has their priorities straight

A g r i c u I t u r e: No one here is straight, Kouzume-san

nAnI wO?: I'M GONNA CRY MY BBY MADE A GAY PUN--

Grumpy Puppy: Oml, why is everyone here so f-ing sappy

Dog Trainer: ….

Grumpy Puppy: Don't say it

Iwa-chan~~~: If ur referring to the emails, we already know

Oinkawa 🐷: Yahaba forwarded them to us! They were adorable!!!

Iwa-chan~~~: Never knew you had such a sweet side, Kyoutani

Grumpy Puppy: YAHABA

Grumpy Puppy: YOU DIDN'T

Dog Trainer: I-I might have…

Elementary Schooler: OOOOOH

Sugamama: 😯❤💘💅👀🙅🙈! 👬👍

Dadchi: 😞😌

KaGAYama: Can anyone figure out what they're saying?

Hairless Cat: Suga said "If you really love each other, there's no reason to hide it. You deserve to be happy together"

Mom-in-Training: And Daichi said, "He's right"

Pure Child: How did you…

Pure Child: You know what? Nevermind

Oinkawa 🐷: that's actually really good advice! Iwa and I hid our feelings for each other for a long time, but eventually it just hurt too much to keep lying. Now that we're together, my whole life is better 😊

Werewolf Bot: IWAIZUMI'S BLUSHING I CAN FEEL IT

Iwa-chan~~~: SHUT UP

Iwa-chan~~~: Not you, Tooru, the Werewolf Bot. What you said was really… I make your life better?

Oinkawa 🐷: Every day

Iwa-chan~~~: Thank you

Oinkawa 🐷: ❤❤❤💕💕♡♡

Iwa-chan~~~: ❤

Sugamama: 😻

Werewolf Bot: OKAY! ENOUGH OF THIS GROSSNESS!!! We'll reconvene tomorrow for the second day of chaotic Hell… I mean Family Gay Night--I mean Family Game Night!!

Sugamama: 😪💪👏⚽

Dadchi: 👌👌👌

$yamagucci$: ????

Mom-in-Training: Get some sleep and be ready for morning practice tomorrow

Flying Orange: oooh

Dadchi: 👍😁

HOOT!: Gn guys!!!

Send Help™: Good night

Elementary Schooler: Byeeeeeee

PM Neko-Neko-Ni and Kitten 🐱😻  
9:32 PM

Kitten 🐱😻: Did you do this?

Kitten 🐱😻: Pls tell me it wasn't you

Kitten 🐱😻: Kuroo, please answer me

Neko-Neko-Ni: What happened? What are you talking about?

Kitten 🐱😻: Do you really not know?

Neko-Neko-Ni: No, I don't. Are you okay? You're scaring me

Kitten 🐱😻: … No matter what happens, you won't leave me right? We'll stay friends?

Neko-Neko-Ni: Of course!!! Nothing is ever gonna drive me away from you!!!

Kitten 🐱😻: Something bad happened. I might need to stay @ ur place for a while

Neko-Neko-Ni: Kenma?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mwahahahaha... you thought this story would be all romance, fluff, and crack, didn't you? SYKE! Don't worry, there's a happy ending somewhere in this chaos :). Have an amazing day/night and remember that no matter who you are or what your personality is like, you are deserving of love--and trust me, someone does love you ♡.
> 
> A note from my co-author: This was supposed to be a crack fic, but s o m e o n e wanted to add a plot ಠ_ಠ


	6. Oh No...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go wrong...

WARNING: This chapter includes mention of a character being outed without their consent. Tread lightly if this content may be triggering for you.

Previously, on DiDUiBBaLNWaYD (and that’s not just keyboard spam, look at it again):

Kitten 🐱😻: Something bad happened. I might need to stay @ ur place for a while

9:42 PM

Neko-Neko-Ni: Kenma?

Neko-Neko-Ni: Please answer me, I’m super worried abt you! What happened?

Kitten 🐱😻: Sorry, my parents wanted to talk to me

Kitten 🐱😻: So… this is hard to say

Neko-Neko-Ni: It’s okay, take your time

Kitten 🐱😻: Somebody online outed me and it spread around really quickly

Neko-Neko-Ni: Oh god

Kitten 🐱😻: My parents found out and asked me if it was true. I tried to lie but they figured it out, and they're not happy

Kitten 🐱😻: Is it okay if I stay with u until things at home cool down a little?

Neko-Neko-Ni: Of course. Bring whatever you need and stay as long as you want. I’m so sorry this happened, you should’ve told me earlier!

Kitten 🐱😻: I didn’t have time to text u before. It was a big surprise that my parents didn’t take my phone away

Neko-Neko-Ni: You’re right. :((( See you soon

12:39 AM

Neko-Neko-Ni: I know it’s hard for you to talk about this kind of thing out loud, do you want to text instead?

Kitten 🐱😻: Sure

Neko-Neko-Ni: How are you feeling

Kitten 🐱😻: Awful. New topic, please

Neko-Neko-Ni: Right… um… when do you think you’ll be ready to go back?

Kitten 🐱😻: Not sure. A few hours, a few days, a few weeks. Idk whether mom and dad will come looking for me or if they’ll leave me be for a while

Kitten 🐱😻: Your house is probably the first place they’d search, so the fact that they haven’t shown up here yet says something

Neko-Neko-Ni: True. But do you miss home?

Kitten 🐱😻: …

Kitten 🐱😻: I’m with you, Tetsurou. I am home.

Kitten 🐱😻: New topic

Neko-Neko-Ni: Do you wanna go stargazing? I hear half past midnight is the perfect time to sit on a roof unsupervised :D

Kitten 🐱😻: Sounds good :)

PM Captain Cat and Captain Crow

Captain Cat: UM DAICHI I NEED HELP

Captain Crow: What’s up?

Captain Cat: KENMA GOT OUTED AND NOW HE’S STAYING WITH ME UNTIL HE’S READY TO SEE HIS PARENTS AGAIN SO MY CRUSH IS GONNA BE AT MY HOUSE FOR AN INDETERMINABLE AMOUNT OF TIME AND I WANT TO DIE BECAUSE I HAVE TO SPEND EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY AROUND HIM

Captain Crow: You were basically already doing that, Kuroo

Captain Cat: but this is dIFFERENT

Captain Cat: What if he figures out that I like him? That could make his whole situation worse!

Captain Crow: Or it could turn out that he reciprocates your feelings and everything will be fine

Captain Cat: If he gets a boyfriend, how do you think his parents would react?

Captain Crow: Okay, true

Captain Crow: But seriously, you need to figure out a way to resolve all that romantic tension before you end up staring at him like an idiot during practice or having to physically force yourself to not hug him after he gives you that elated look when you spike one of his sets and get a point…

Captain: I’m gonna stop myself now

Captain Cat: Dude, you’re so far gone it’s not even funny

Captain Cat: Get with Suga already

Captain Crow: I can’t

Captain Crow: It’s different for you because the feelings are obviously mutual

Captain Cat: It’S oBvIoUsLy MuTuAl, are you serious!?!!?? Kenma barely ever shows affection for me but is so nice to Hinata! Even Yaku gets compliments from him sometimes, but me? NoOooOOOoo

Captain Crow: Jesus Christ, Kuroo, just TALK TO HIM

Asahi Azumane: Did someone say Jesus?

Captain Crow: ASAHI THIS ISN'T A GROUP CHAT, HOW ARE YOU HERE?!

Asahi Azumane: I guess I'm not needed then…

Asahi Azumane has left the chat

Captain Crow: Okay then… talk to him. That is my advice. You’ll thank me.

Captain Cat: I’ll talk to Kenma when you talk to Suga

Captain Crow: That’s just—IT’S NOT THE SAME OKAY

Captain Cat: HE LITERALLY FLIRTS WITH YOU /ALL THE TIME/

Captain Cat: HOW CAN YOU NOT NOTICE YOU WILLFULLY IGNORANT POTATO?!?!?

Captain Crow: I think this conversation is over

Captain Cat: Don’t leave me babe! What about the children? I need your thighs—I mean, you—in my life!

Captain Crow: KUROO

Captain Cat: Okay, I’ll see myself out then (~ ^ 3^)~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for 2.5K reads and a huge shoutout to all you lovelies who have commented, bookmarked, and left Kudos (especially ali_uwo, who left the sweetest comment along with their bookmark)!!
> 
> If any readers have ever been outed without their consent, I hope that your situation has gotten better and that you're living happily and feeling good about yourself.  
> Take care, you wonderful people!!
> 
> All our love,
> 
> Hetalia__Trash


	7. How Akaashi Got a bf Through Shared Trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma and Kuroo continue to be emotionally constipated, Akaashi and Bokuto are done, and things get complicated with our Werewolf game...

PM Kenma and Akaashi  
10:43 AM

Kenma: So

Kenma: I need help

Akaashi: What is it?

Kenma: I got outed

Akaashi: Oh no! Are you alright?

Kenma: I'm a little better now, but there's another issue

Kenma: My parents are super homophobic so I'm staying with Kuroo until they calm down and I'm worried that he might find out about my feelings for him

Akaashi: The only things you can do are confess to him or keep lying to him

Kenma: I'm not directly LYING, just.. hiding something really, really important

Akaashi: -_-

Kenma: Okay, I get it

Kenma: It's just difficult, you know? I really want to be with him, and when he came out to me as bi I was so happy. I thought I finally had a chance, but now I'm not sure

Akaashi: I know it might be strange and awkward and terrifying

Kenma: Wow I feel so much better

Akaashi: But you have to push through it to try and help yourself. You deserve to be happy. Besides, Kuroo's your best friend. If he doesn't like you back, he won't let that ruin your relationship

Kenma: UGH, why do I talk to you when I know youre gonna be all sensible and supportive and shit

Akaashi: Because Yamamoto probably doesn't know what "gay" means and Hinata would text you something in all caps like, "OMG YOU LIKE KUROO?!?! I HAVE TO TELL KAGS, HE WON'T BELIEVE THIS!!!"

Kenma: ...why do I even try

Kenma: By the way, just a tip? You might want to try taking your own advice

Meanwhile, with the Volleyball Idiots:

Werewolf Bot: Well well well, here we are again

Werewolf Bot: Shall we begin?

Dadchi: 👍😁

Pure Child: Daichi using the 😁 emoji kinda scares me

Pure Child: I just can't imagine his face ever making that expression

Dadchi: 😡😡

Pure Child: Now THAT I can imagine

Sugamama: 😂😂😂

Elementary Schooler: I'm w h e e z i n g

Werewolf Bot: Alright, wolves, TO YOUR GC!

Daddy Long Legs: PULL THE LEVER, KRONK!

Fun-Size: Why are you such a dork?

nAnI wO?: WRONG LEVERRRR

Grumpy Puppy: Oh, God, they're multiplying

Werewolf Bot: Or maybe we've always been here…

Grumpy Puppy: Okay, you CANNOT convince me that Werewolf Bot isn't Makki and Mattsun. It's so obvious

Oinkawa 🐷: ???

Iwa-chan~~~: Yeah, I think we'd know if it was

Grumpy Puppy: istg you ignorant whores

Dog Trainer: KYOU, LANGUAGE

Oinkawa 🐷: YES WHAT YAHABA SAID

Werewolf Bot: CAN WE PLEASE FOCUS?

SAVIORS OF THE UNIVERSE

A g r i c u l t u r e: I still do not understand the name of this chat

Hairless Cat: Just roll with it, we're saving people

Hairless Cat: /saveElementarySchooler

A g r i c u l t u r e: /savenAnIwO?

Werewolf Bot: The bromance and romance and chivalry with y'all is on point

Hairless Cat: We try 😌

Where the Villagers Go to Die

Werewolf Bot: Loving the new chat name, guys

HOOT!: Awe, thxxx

Flying Orange: SUGA, YOU'RE A GENIUS!!!! DID YOU /SEE/ DAICHI'S REACTION?!

Sugamama: Ha, thanks Hinata! I was hoping that would work :)

Kenya: I'll admit, that was hilarious

Daddy Long Legs: So who goes next? We're all safe so far, I don't think anyone suspects us

Kenya: I'd have to say Tendou

Sugamama: My thoughts exactly, he's too good at reading people

$yamagucci$: I agree

Pure Child: I'm down for that

HOOT!: Yes, Asahi, embrace your homicidal urges!!!!

Pure Child: 😨 um how about no

Dog Trainer: I'd say we need to knock out Mad Dog next, but I have no issue with Tendou going

Kenya: Are we agreed, then?

Daddy Long Legs: Yessir

Kenya: Alright then, /votenAnIwO?

Werewolf Bot: I guess that's that, then! See you in the main chat

PM Thiccccc and Akaashi  
12:35 PM

Thiccccc: Can I rant to you for a sec?

Akaashi: If I say no, you're going to do it anyway

Thiccccc: OKAY, COOL

Thiccccc: Kuroo keeps complaining about simping for Kenma and im so done with it, like can they get together already???

Akaashi: Actually, Kenma just texted me to complain about the same thing. Considering that the feelings are mutual, we could get them together easily

Thiccccc: OMG CAN WEEEEE?!?!

Akaashi: I don't have an issue with it

Akaashi: Honestly, I need a break from being people's relationship confidante. Like, I've never been in a relationship but all my friends come to me for love advice

Thiccccc: Do you mean like a "let's get food break" or a "let's have a movie marathon break"?

Thiccccc: Or like a "let's make out" break?

Akaashi: …

Akaashi: Yes

Akaashi: See you in 15

Thiccccc: o/////o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update!! Hopefully the extra-long chapter and the little bit of Bokuaka makes up for it -_-''
> 
> Anywho, happy Thanksgiving to our American peeps and happy Thursday to our readers in other countries!!! Love you all! ^ 3^
> 
> Thanks for reading,
> 
> Hetalia__Trash


	8. Daichi Isn't Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi somehow survives, and his bae does not.

PM Mom-in-Training and Werewolf Bot

Werewolf Bot: Have you decided whose role you want to discover today?

Mom-in-Training: /revealSugamama

Werewolf Bot: Ooh, nice choice! Sugawara is indeed a werewolf

Mom-in-Training: I KNEW IT

Mom-in-Training: Very sly, Suga

Werewolf Bot: But remember, you're not allowed to tell anyone what you know. All you can do is pretend to guess their role

PM (ӦｖӦ｡) and Kurooster  
9:12 PM

(ӦｖӦ｡): sooo… I have something to tell youuuuuu :DDD

Kurooster: And you expect me to care?

(ӦｖӦ｡): So I think Akaashi and I might be a thing now

Kurooster: WAIT WHAT

Kurooster: SINCE WHEN

(ӦｖӦ｡): Since we made out on my couch an hour ago ;3

Kurooster: WTF HOW

Kurooster: HE'S TOO PRETTY FOR YOU!

(ӦｖӦ｡): EXCUSE ME I AM VERY PRETTY

Kurooster: …keep telling yourself that, sweetie

(ӦｖӦ｡): ٩(๑`^´๑)۶ 

Kurooster: I did not see that coming, I have to say

Kurooster: My lil' owl, all grown up with his own hot boyfriend

(ӦｖӦ｡): Ikr, i'm so luckyyy

(ӦｖӦ｡): Especially compared to your single ass

Kurooster: EXCUSE ME

(ӦｖӦ｡): Well well well, how the turntables…

Kurooster: Don't you mean "how the tables turn"?

(ӦｖӦ｡): I SAID WHAT I SAID

Kurooster: Okay, jeez

Kurooster: Anyway, congrats, have fun, use protection, all that jazz

(ӦｖӦ｡): Yes Dad

The Volleyball Idiots

Werewolf Bot: You'll never guess what happened!!!

Dino Nuggets: Don't care.

Werewolf Bot: The werewolves decided to kill the same person that one of our lovely doctors saved! No one was killed this week; all that's left is to vote on who goes next!

A g r i c u l t u r e: Who was saved?

Werewolf Bot: That's for us to know and you to agonize over, loverboy 😗

Mom-in-Training: We need to get rid of Suga

Sugamama: 😲😵😔😢😢😢

Dadchi: 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

Sugamama: 😬😠😨

Flying Orange: Why would we do that??!

Mom-in-Training: We need to get rid of a "drunk," because one of them is obviously a werewolf trying to avoid suspicion. If Suga is actually the drunk, then we get rid of a basically useless player and know for sure that Daichi is the wolf. If not, then we got rid of a wolf.

Hairless Cat: Not bad

Pure Child: I can't really argue with that…

Werewolf Bot: Shall we get to the vote?

Sugamama: 😦

Dadchi: 😈

KaGAYama: /voteSugamama

Elementary Schooler: /voteSugamama

Hairless Cat: /voteSugamama

Oinkawa 🐷: /voteSugamama Bye-bye, Mr. Refreshing! I say it's about time

Flying Orange: /voteSugamama Sorry, Suga-senpai ;-;

Sugamama: 😳

Sugamama: /voteDadchi

Grumpy Puppy: /voteOinkawa 🐷

Dog Trainer: Kyou, what…?

Grumpy Puppy: I'm just tired of him being around tbh

Oinkawa 🐷: WELL EXCUSE ME FOR EXISTING

Dog Trainer: *eyeroll* /voteSugamama

HOOT!: /voteDadchi I don't want Suga to go, he's nice!!!! 😭

Send Help™: /voteSugamama You'll be fine, Bo

Mom-in-Training: /voteSugamama

Best at Serves: /voteSugamama

Tanaka but Irrelevant: /voteSugamama

Fun-size: /voteSugamama

Daddy Long Legs: /voteSugamama

$yamagucci$: /voteDadchi I feel like Suga might hurt me if I vote for him…

Sugamama: 😲😱😱😦

Mom-in-Training: He says he would never

Mom-in-Training: In all caps

nAnI wO: /voteSugamama… you know why

A g r i c u l t u r e: /voteDadchi

Dadchi: /voteSugamama

Werewolf Bot: Has anyone heard from Kenma or Kuroo?

Send Help™: They're busy today, idk if they'll show

Kenya: /voteSugamama

COCK 🐓: SURPRISE BISHES, WE'RE BACK! /voteSugamama

Werewolf Bot: Seems like Suga's about to feel the burn

Sugamama: 😨😨😳🔥🔥🔥

Werewolf Bot: Sugawara was burned at the stake… and he was a werewolf!!!

Dadchi: 😈😃😃😃

Sugamama: Okay, so maybe I was lying the entire time, but it was for strategy!!!

Werewolf Bot: Get going, Suga

Sugamama: WAIT

Sugamama: BEFORE I GO… I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU, DAICHI

Dadchi: 😑😧😒😚

Mom-in-Training: He said "You and your dramatic exits"

Sugamama: ...Okay, BYEEEEE

PM Suga and Daichi

Daichi: Okay, I'm done with this

Suga: ???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the late updating recently! We'll get the next chapter out early for you guys. ♡
> 
> Idk if any readers stuck around after they realized that this fic would have some semblance of a plot (lol), but if you guys want to leave comments that'd make our week. No pressure though, we love you all whether you comment or not!
> 
> See you soon,
> 
> Hetalia__Trash


	9. The Door Squad Arises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi and Suga work things out and---did Yachi say "blackmail?!?!?"

Previously, on DiDUiBBaLNWaYD

PM Single Dad and Deceased

Deceased: Okay, I'm done with this

Single Dad: ???

Single Dad: Done with what?

Deceased: I'm done with the "pretend" flirting and the pining glances and texting each other at midnight about things we wouldn't tell anyone else. I'm done pretending I'm not completely smitten with you when everyone but you seems to know it.

Deceased: So here it is, I guess: Sugawara Koushi, I'm in love with you. So totally in love with you that I'm tired of hiding it. There you go.

Single Dad: Wow

Single Dad: I—wow.

Single Dad: For how long?

Deceased: The middle of our second year

Single Dad: Was it the time we landed the first spike together in an actual game? During the first tournament where we got to be in the starting lineup?

Deceased: How did you know that?

Single Dad: Because that was when I fell in love with you, too

Deceased: …

Deceased: Wow

Single Dad: Yeah

Deceased: So what exactly are we?

Single Dad: I mean, should we start dating so close to the end of our third year? We might not see each other much when we go to uni

Deceased: True

Deceased: Maybe we should keep in contact and see how things work when we actually go? Not make things official just yet and figure it out bit by bit?

Single Dad: I like that idea

Single Dad: But you need to promise me something. Don't fall in love with anyone else, okay?

Deceased: I couldn't if I tried

Single Dad: Same goes for me

Single Dad: Let's just enjoy the time we have left

Deceased: Sounds like a plan

Single Dad: Also, since we probably shouldn't make wedding plans for ourselves yet, can we start making wedding plans for OTHER people?

Deceased: I already have a binder full of aesthetic wedding ideas for Asahi and Nishinoya

Single Dad: Oh my God, I love you

The Flat Chat

Dooru: So how are my flat babies doing?

Doorzume: A little better, thanks

Tendoor: Of course, Kenma! The Flat Squad looks out for its own

Hinadoor: I still don't know why I'm here. I DO have cake

Doorzume: You're my emotional support tangerine

Hinadoor: Awwww

Dooru: That is the weirdest title I have ever heard

Doorzume: Says the man who lets his boyfriend religiously call him "Shittykawa"

Dooru: Okay that was a low blow

Tendoor: Kinky

Hinadoor: *chokes on apple juice*

Doorzume: TENDOU THERE ARE INNOCENT KIDS HERE!!!

Hinadoor: Um where?

Doorkishima: Yachi's in this chat.

Doorkishima: She just never speaks because you guys terrify her

Yamadoorchi: So everything we wrote-

Doorkishima: Yep. She can see it

Tendoor: Oh nO--

Doorchi: Oh yes

Doorchi: You guys have no IDEA how much blackmail information I've sold to Suga

Hinadoor: YACHI HOW COULD YOU

Doorchi: I'm sorry!!! I was broke T-T

Doorzume: So Suga knows about Hinata and Kageyama's… whatever it is?

Doorchi: No, I didn't tell him

Hinadoor: THANK YOU

Doorchi: He already knew

Dooru: Oop-

Doorchi: I did tell him about Oikawa and Iwaizumi, though

Dooru: 😨

Doorzume: And… um…

Doorchi: He doesn't know about your crush on Kuroo

Doorzume: Thank God

Hinadoor: YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON KUROO?

Doorzume: Oh sh-

Tendoor: Oooooooh

Dooru: And here we go again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wheeeee, I didn't expect pleading for comments to actually work! Y'all are gonna make me cry :,).
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed a little Daisuga and get ready for the next chapter, out on Wednesday!
> 
> All our love,
> 
> Hetalia__Trash


	10. This Chapter Got cAKE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thicccccccccccccc
> 
> Also, Tanaka is oblivious and Ushijima, as the title states, is best boi.

The Cake Chat

Bikuto: GUESS WHO'S GOT A BOYFRIEEEEEEENND

Thighchi: Um what?

Tetsuripped: He finally hooked up with Akaashi

Bikuto: 😎😎😎

Thighchi: Oh really

Kiyoqueen: About time! Suga owes me money now~

Bikuto: Always glad to provide a service, m'lady

Hajigay: What is it with you people and gossiping? We're not at a middle school sleepover here

Kagayama: Do we have anything else to do?

Hajigay: PRACTICE

Hajigay: HOMEWORK

Hajigay: CLEANING

Thighchi: Let them have some fun, Iwaizumi. They already spend most of their time on academics and sports.

Hajigay: DAICHI YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE HERE---

Tetsuripped: There are no sides in this chat, there are only thicc biceps and thicccer thighs

Hajigay: How does Tooru deal with you people at captain's nights? Jesus

Panzumane: You called?

Hajigay: NOT YOU

Thighchi: Oikawa usually hides in the closet during Captain's Night to avoid Ushijima. It's kind of hilarious

Kagayama: I thought Oikawa was out of the closet!

Panzumane: Pffffhahahaha

Hajigay: You're hilarious, Tobio

Thighchi: Don't we have somewhere to be?

Bikuto: WEREWOLF TIMEEEEE!

Where the Villagers Go to Die

Flying Orange: I miss Suga ;-;

Pure Child: Me too Hina

Daddy Long Legs: He was nice, I wanted him to stay

Kenya: Unfortunately we have to move on

$yamagucci$: So… should we get rid of Oikawa? He might be figuring us out, he's got strategy

Flying Orange: Or maybe Kageyama?

Dog Trainer: I still think Mad Dog should go

Pure Child: How about Tanaka?

Kenya: ???

Pure Child: I mean, considering what we know about the moderators and Werewolf Bot he seems like too much of a wild card not to have some kind of special role, you know?

Kenya: That's… actually true.

Kenya: Tanaka?

Dog Trainer: Tanaka.

Flying Orange: Tanaka!

Daddy Long Legs: Tanaka

HOOT!: TANAKAAAA

$yamagucci$: Tanaka 😼

Kenya: /voteTanaka

Werewolf Bot: Ohohoho~

Werewolf Bot: Here we gooooooooo

SAVIORS OF THE UNIVERSE

Hairless Cat: /saveA g r i c u l t u r e

Hairless: Thanks for doctoring with me, bro

A g r i c u l t u r e: Much appreciated, but I cannot return the favor.

A g r i c u l t u r e: /votenAnIwO

A g r i c u l t u r e: I am worried for his safety after the last vote and would like to protect him

Hairless Cat: That's cute and all but you're making me feel reaaaaallllyyy single rn

Werewolf Bot: You know, you could fix that…

Hairless Cat: Wha?

Werewolf Bot: THERE'S LITERALLY A PERSON ON YOUR TEAM SIMPING FOR YOU. FIGURE IT OUT.

Hairless Cat: WHAT WHO?

Werewolf Bot: OKAY, ON TO THE MAIN CHAT

Hairless Cat: HEY WAIT---

Werewolf Bot has left the chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Virtual hugs for everyone who commented, left a Kudos, bookmarked, or even took the time to read in the first place. See you wonderful people next week!!
> 
> Have a good day/night/life,
> 
> Hetalia__Trash


	11. That's Gay... Wait, What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukiyama, Kinonari and Ushiten are cute, and Noya makes an oopsie.

The Volleyball Idiots

Werewolf Bot: ALRIGHT! Everybody give me a drumroll pleaaaseeeee…

nAnI wO?: ratatatatatatatatatatatatatata

Werewolf Bot: TANAKA HAS BEEN KILLED! He was taking a nighttime stroll through the village looking for love and found death instead!

Hairless Cat: That description hit a little too close to home

Dadchi: 👀

Best at Serves: Oooh, is someone feeling lonely next to all his happily taken teammates?

Tanaka but Irrelevant: ^

Dadchi: ^^

Sugamama: ^^^

$yamagucci$: ^^^^

Dino Nuggets: ^^^^^

Pure Child: ^^^^^^

Elementary Schooler: ^^^^^^^

Hairless Cat: EVEN YOU, NOYA?

Elementary Schooler: I mean, he's really not wrong…

Hairless Cat: ;-;

Best at Serves: Do you think we could change a few of our names? I think the authors might be getting tired of typing all these two-and-three-word phrases

A g r i c u l t u r e: "Authors?" We are sentient beings. We cannot be written

Tanaka but Irrelevant: That's very considerate of you, Hisashi, but what did we say about the fourth wall? We can't have another Doki Doki Literature Club on our hands

Best at Serves: True

nAnI wO?: I got you guys

nAnI wO? has renamed Best at Serves "Fluffy"  
nAnI wO? has renamed Tanaka but Irrelevant "Bald"

Bald: I'M NOT BALD-

nAnI wO? has renamed Hairless Cat "Balder"

Bald: HA

Balder: Welcome back to "everyone roasting Tanaka for no reason" 😀 I'll be here all week, folks

Elementary Schooler: Pipe down you big baby

nAnI wO? has renamed Elementary Schooler "Mini"

nAnI wO? has renamed Pure Child "Mega"

Mini: 1. I'M NOT THAT SHORT  
2\. Now we match Asahi! 💖💕💖❤

Mega: :D Aw, cute!

nAnI wO? has renamed A g r i c u l t u r e "Cutie Pie ^3^"

Dino Nuggets: Okay, that's just gross

$yamagucci$: Like you've never let me call you that…

Kenya: …exposed

Dino Nuggets: TADASHI

$yamagucci$: ♡3♡ Still love you though, cutie pie

Dino Nuggets: I'm literally about to vomit rainbows. Send help.

Flying Orange: Internalized homophobia check 😘

KaGAYama: OOF

Dino Nuggets: CAN YOU IDIOTS JUST VOTE ALREADY

$yamagucci$: Yes, your highness

Dino Nuggets: Fqurtjbsjglfl

Dino Nuggets: TadASHIIIIIII

KaGAYama: HA

KaGAYama: GAAAEEEEEEEE

Flying Orange: You're one to talk

KaGAYama: BOKE HINATA BOKE

Dadchi: 😕😗💅🌈🌈🌈👉👈👐

Balder: "Everyone here is gay, no need to make fun of each other"

Mom-in-Training: That's literally the point of making fun of one another

Balder: Being gay?

Mom-in-Training: No, personal validation

Mom-in-Training: And being gay, of course

Werewolf Bot: r/im14andthisisdeep

Werewolf Bot: NOW CAN WE VOTE PLEASE

Sugamama: OKAY, OKAY

Oinkawa 🐷: I miss Iwa-chan :,((( That blunt sarcasm of his always kept you, idiots in check

Iwa-chan~~~: I'M NOT ACTUALLY DEAD

Iwa-chan~~~: STOP USING ME AS AN EXCUSE TO MAKE FUN OF THE OTHER TEAMS

Oinkawa 🐷: Sigh… sometimes it's like I can still hear his voice

Iwa-chan~~~: V O T E , TRASHYKAWA

Oinkawa 🐷: Well, my angel has spoken. Who's going this time?

Grumpy Puppy: Hasn't that annoying libero from Karasuno been awfully quiet today?

Mega: He's not annoying!!! >:(

Mom-in-Training: Trying to avoid suspicion, Noya?

Mini: Um, no

Mini: Everyone on my team knows I suck at keeping secrets

Mini: Like, there was this one time I got SO CLOSE to telling Ennoshita about Tanaka's giant crush on him. It was HILARIOUS

Mega: Noya, sweetie…

Balder: YŪ!!!!!!!

Mini: ooooooooooohh crap

Mom-in-Training: I'm sorry, what?

COCK 🐓: /voteMini Nothing against you, dude, but you broke the Bro Code and I can't stand for that

HOOT!: /voteMini Agreed. Bro Code is law. Bro Code is life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing to say about this...
> 
> ANYWAY, WE LOVE YOU GUYS!!! Have a fantastic day/night and always remember the words of our supreme leader: "Be gay, do crime."
> 
> You are valid,
> 
> Hetalia__Trash


	12. TANAKA.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ennotana sorts through some very chaotic emotions, and Noya... gets what was coming to him.

COCK 🐓: /voteMini Nothing against you, dude, but you broke the Bro Code and I can't stand for that

HOOT!: /voteMini Agreed. Bro Code is law. Bro Code is life.

Mini: GUYS DON'T DO ME LIKE THIS

Mini: I DIDN'T MEAN TO

Mom-in-Training: Tanaka…

Mom-in-Training: Can we talk in a PM?

Balder: I--I--um…

Balder: Sure?

Kenya: I'd say shizzle's about to go down

Kenya: /voteMini

Mom-in-Training: Before I go… /voteMini

Mini: GUYS UR GONNA MAKE ME CRY

Mini: STOOOOOP

Mega: /voteHOOT! I got your back, sweetie

Mini: :,)

Oinkawa 🐷: /voteMini >:)

Dog Trainer: /voteMini

Mini: I'M NOT EVEN A WOLF THIS IS SO OUT OF NOWHERE

Grumpy Puppy: That's what they all say /voteMini

Flying Orange: /voteMini Sorry, Noya-senpai

KaGAYama: /voteMini

$yamagucci$: /voteMini

Dadchi: /voteMini I'm disappointed in you, son

Mini: DAD!

Cutie Pie ^3^: /voteMini

nAnI wO?: /voteMini

Send Help™: /voteDog Trainer I really don't see the point in voting Nishinoya out with no evidence that he's a wolf :/

Mini: /THANK YOU/

Mini: /voteDog Trainer

Balder: /voteMini

Fluffy: /voteMini

Werewolf Bot: What an upset! Well, guys, majority rules. Nishinoya, who liTERALLY ISN'T EVEN A WOLF, was burned at the stake for defying the Bro Code.

PM Bald Bish ♡ and Enno

Enno: So

Enno: Is it true?

Bald Bish ♡: Is what true?

Enno: Tanaka.

Bald Bish ♡: ...perhaps?

Enno: TANAKA.

Bald Bish ♡: OKAY BUT WHAT IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME BACK?!?!

Enno: WAS THAT A CONFESSION

Bald Bish ♡: NO--MAYBE--AGHDIFPPGJT

Enno: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU LIKE ME?

Bald Bish ♡: UHM SURE? I GUESS?! YEAH--YEAH I DO

Enno: fakflpzxkfkggkjjb

Enno: loakdkkgkddjriirhy

Bald Bish ♡: Uh, Ennoshita? You okay?

Enno: DO YOU WANT TO BE MY BOYFRIEND?

Bald Bish ♡: UM HELL YEAH

Enno: WHAT JUST HAPPENED

Bald Bish ♡: IDEK DUDE

Enno: WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING IN ALL CAPS

Bald Bish ♡: NO IDEA

Enno: LOL

Bald Bish ♡: HOW ARE YOU SO CUTE IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE OMGALDLPFPGGJJF

Enno: -////-

Enno: I was so sure you were straight…

Bald Bish ♡: UH YEAH ME TOO

Bald Bish ♡: BUT APPARENTLY NOT

Enno: You can stop shouting now babe

Bald Bish ♡: BABE?!?!?!?!

Enno: Is that okay?

Bald Bish ♡: THAT IS FAN-FRICKING-TABULOUS

Bald Bish ♡: Can I call you Sugar Tits?

Enno: N O .

Bald Bish ♡: Yes, sir 😳

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Ennotana for the loyal fans of this underrated ship! Hope you enjoyed.
> 
> Also, we're going to try to start updating a little more frequently for you peeps! Thanks so much for reading and commenting. Your comments made our week and we can't express enough gratitude.
> 
> Platonic love,
> 
> Hetalia__Trash


	13. New Arrivals---is tHAT A BEE---

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go off the rails... again.

The Volleyball Idiots

Sugamama: Somehow I feel like this gc has turned into "getting all the couples together" instead of Werewolf

Dadchi: 😉😎😞

Mom-in-Training: I mean, yeah, kinda

Flying Orange: Wait

Flying Orange: DOES THAT MEAN YOU AND TANAKA ARE TOGETHER NOW?!

Mom-in-Training: Well…

Balder: Perhaps *wiggles eyebrows*

Mini: ……..

Fluffy: Don't say it

Mini: …….

Mega: Nishi…

Mini: thAT'S GAY

Mini: Okay, sorry, I had to

nAnI wO?: WE'RE ALL GAY!!!

Kenya: hooray

Dino Nuggets: So are we just abandoning Werewolf and turning this into a gc for idiots who think they can play Cupid?

Werewolf Bot: ...WHY THE HELL NOT?

Bald?: But that concept is so overused in this fandom

Fluffy: NARITA-

Bald?: sORRY

The Goddess: Well, someone needs to get them together

Mini: Amen

Oinkawa 🐷: *gasp* I GET TO PLAY MATCHMAKER?!!?!?!?!?

Iwa-chan~~~: Don't get too excited dumbass, you might short-circuit

Oinkawa 🐷: Don't spend all your meager brainpower thinking up insults, Iwa-chan! You've got to graduate from high school!

Grumpy Puppy: Oop-

Fun-size: I'm CACKLING

COCK 🐓: So he CAN fight back! Who knew?

Iwa-chan~~~: SHUT UP

Oinkawa 🐷: Hehe~

Daddy Long Legs: Who here needs to get together? I haven't really noticed any romantic tension 👀

Fun-size: I--you--itsg Lev

Daddy Long Legs: What??

Cutie Pie ^3^: Forgive me, but you tend to be rather… emotionally dense, Haiba-san

Sugamama: We can add other people to the chat and tell them it's a game of Werewolf, then get them together

Dadchi: Does that mean I can talk normally again?

Werewolf Bot: *sigh* FIIIINE

COCK 🐓: I don't know if this is the best idea tbh

Fun-size: What is it, you coward? Worried we'll try to pair you up with a certain someone (who may or may not be a 169 cm tall bleached blonde setter with an unhealthy addiction to Animal Crossing)~?

COCK 🐓: WILL YOU /SHUT/ /UP/

HOOT!: Bahahahahahahahahaaa

Oinkawa 🐷: I like the way you think, Yaku

Iwa-chan~~~: Oh God

Kenya: Oh no

Sugamama: Oh yes

Sugamama has added Barry B. Benson, Shut up and wear a mask, Superior Twin, Snek Boi, Neat Freak, and Ace Ace

Barry B. Benson: SAMU, CHANGE YOUR NAME RIGHT NOW

Superior Twin: Why? It's true

Snek Boi: hA

Oinkawa 🐷: Welcome to the Volleyball Idiots chat! We're gonna play a bunch of games to get to know each other!!!

Shut up and wear a mask: This sounds like a waste of my time. What's your actual motive?

Barry B. Benson: C'mon Sakusa, you know you wanna get to know me better

Shut up and wear a mask: Not particularly

Neat Freak: Hello everyone, my name is Shinsuke Kita. I'm the captain of Inarizaki. Glad to meet you all

Flying Orange: Hi!!!!!!!

Superior Twin: I'm Miya Osamu, also from Inarizaki. The idiot with the bee name is my twin brother, Atsumu

Barry B. Benson: Samu, I can introduce myself!!

Shut up and wear a mask: I'm Sakusa Kiyoomi, the ace of Itachiyama

Ace Ace: I'm Ojiro Aran, I play for Inarizaki and I'm their ace!

Snek Boi: I'm Suna Rintarou, middle blocker for Inarizaki

Mega: Ahhhh, I'm surrounded by all these amazing aces!!!

Mini: The shy guy's Asahi, he's my boyfriend and a better ace than all of you!!!!

Mega: Noya!!!!! Don't say stuff like that!!

Barry B. Benson: IS EVERYONE JUST GOING TO IGNORE ME BEING PSYCHOLOGICALLY ABUSED OVER HERE?

Kenya: Yes.

Shut up and wear a mask: It's not abuse, it's friendly banter

Barry B. Benson: HOW IS IT BANTERING? ALL YOU DO IS MAKE FUN OF ME WHEN I'M PERFECTLY CIVIL TO YOU

Shut up and wear a mask: Maybe I'm just emotionally reserved and awkward and can only flirt through insults like a 5th grader

Neat Freak: You'd better treat my son well

Ace Ace: Watch yourself, Sakusa

Barry B. Benson: I--I--Lkjpjbfuisodnamnq

Dadchi: Looks like we're going to have less work than we expected if these people can't contain their romances for 2 minutes

Sugamama: yOu DoN't sAy

Sugamama: We've still got to work with our original patients though…

PM Omi-Omi 💖 and Tsumu

Omi-Omi 💖: Sorry if I… hurt your feelings or whatever.

Tsumu: Omi-kun you're so tsundere 😂😂

Omi-Omi 💖: Don't make me regret my apology, please

Tsumu: Okay, okay!!

Tsumu: …

Tsumu: Y'know ur kinda cute when ur nice to me

Omi-Omi 💖: Atsumu.

Tsumu: :P Hehehe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I somehow managed to crank out a new chapter between bouts of painting and binging "ANTM," so here you are, another early update! We hope you enjoyed this chapter, complete with Noya being protective, Atsumu being chaotic, and Tendou being a meme.
> 
> Just so you know, we probably won't take any long writing breaks over the holidays, so this fic will continue to update during that time!
> 
> See you lovelies soon,
> 
> Hetalia__Trash


	14. Title Inspiration has Deserted Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inarizaki gets some love, the chaos bros get exposed, and Kuroken almost gets their crap together!

The Volleyball Idiots

Sugamama has added Pinky

Pinky: Hellooooo

Pinky: About time you added me officially

Sugamama: Wait

Sugamama: Why can't I add Mattsun?

Grumpy Puppy: I think you know why

Werewolf Bot: Uh

Werewolf Bot: Hehe

Werewolf Bot: WE'VE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME

Oinkawa 🐷: WHAT?!

Iwa-chan~~~: WHAT?!

Werewolf Bot has renamed themself Thicc Brows

Pinky: DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING DID YOU

Grumpy Puppy: UH YEAH

Grumpy Puppy: WHAT DID I TELL YOU

Iwa-chan~~~: Kyoutani…

Grumpy Puppy: HOW MANY TIMES DID I SAY IT? "WEREWOLF BOT IS MAKKI AND MATTSUN." AND NOBODY BELIEVED ME

Dog Trainer: Kyoutani!

Grumpy Puppy: ISTG YOU PEOPLE ARE SO OBLIVIOUS I CAN'T STAND IT

Dog Trainer: CALM DOWN OR NO CUDDLES AFTER PRACTICE

Grumpy Puppy: You--you wouldn't

Dog Trainer: Oh, but I would

Grumpy Puppy: …

Grumpy Puppy: Fine.

Kenya: Somebody's whipped

Grumpy Puppy: Like you're one to talk Mr. "I'm Too Scawwed to Confess to My Cwush but I Wuv Him So Much UwU"

Kenya: Stfu

KaGAYama: Um… you gonna calm him down Kuroo?

COCK 🐓: Nah, I'd say he's in the right here

Sugamama: OKAY

Oinkawa 🐷: ENOUGH OF THIS

Sugamama: You and Kenma are hereby banished from the chat until you wORK OUT YOUR STUPID FEELINGS

Oinkawa 🐷: STOP PROCRASTINATING AND AVOIDING EACH OTHER AND JUST DO IT

COCK 🐓: I really don't think it's your place to dictate what we do--

_Sugamama has removed Kenya and COCK 🐓 from the chat_

Neat Freak: I think that might have been uncalled for… we have no guarantee that they'll actually talk to each other.

Ace Ace: It seems like they want to talk about it, but they're afraid. Maybe they needed a push in the right direction?

Neat Freak: I know that feeling ❤

Ace Ace: I still haven't forgiven the Miya twins for locking us out of the gym until we confessed

Shut up and wear a mask: They did w h a t ?

Superior Twin: I have no regrets 😎

Snek Boi: Why didn't you tell me about that? I would've helped!

Shut up and wear a mask: If you do that to Atsumu and I, you /will/ get hurt.

Superior Twin: There wouldn't really be a point since you basically just admitted your feelings for him… twice

Barry B. Benson: Honey, you think I didn't KNOW he liked me? Please

Shut up and wear a mask: You KNEW?

Barry B. Benson: DUH! I just like messing with you. You get all cute when you're flustered

Shut up and wear a mask: You… ugh!

PM Kita and Aran

Kita: Hey, sweetheart?

Aran: Yes, darling?

Kita: Now that the Sakusa and Atsumu thing is basically resolved, should we get to work on the others?

Aran: Definitely

Aran: Maybe if they get boyfriends they won't harass me as much…

Kita: …Probably not

Aran: Yeah, probably not

Kita: Don't worry, I'll protect you 💪

Aran: Oml you're so cute and you don't even realize it

PM Kitten 🐱😻 and Neko-Neko-Ni

Kitten 🐱😻: So

Neko-Neko-Ni: You know we don't actually have to do this, right?

Kitten 🐱😻: Hey, the rest of the world seems to know all my secrets, so why shouldn't my best friend?

Neko-Neko-Ni: What do you mean?

Kitten 🐱😻: You're so oblivious

Neko-Neko-Ni: Thank… you?

Kitten 🐱😻: Do you like me?

Neko-Neko-Ni: Sure. You're my best friend

Kitten 🐱😻: Don't play dumb, you know what I mean

Neko-Neko-Ni: Are you just scared to say that you like me?

Kitten 🐱😻: Who wouldn't be?

Neko-Neko-Ni: So you do??

Kitten 🐱😻: Fine, yeah. I do

Neko-Neko-Ni: OH THANK GOD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading!!! Expect some more Kuroken and hints of Osasuna in the next few chapters. Also, Arankita NEEDS more popularity, and they're ridiculously cute! Sorry for not getting this chapter out sooner... I stopped writing every five seconds to watch Tsukiyama Tiktoks (it's becoming an unhealthy addiction).
> 
> Love and appreciation,
> 
> Hetalia__Trash


	15. No Plot, Just Fluff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, fluffy fluff, a lot of fluff, oh, and did I mention fluff?

Kitten 🐱😻: Fine, yeah. I like you

Neko-Neko-Ni: OH THANK GOD

Neko-Neko-Ni: I've liked you since my first year T-T

Kitten 🐱😻: Are--are you shitting me right now?

Neko-Neko-Ni: WHY WOULD I DO THAT?

Kitten 🐱😻: I have no words

Neko-Neko-Ni: We're both idiots

Kitten 🐱😻: Pretty much

Neko-Neko-Ni: The fact that we convinced ourselves that cuddling when it was cold out was a completely heterosexual activity

Kitten 🐱😻: I mean we /were/ wearing socks

Neko-Neko-Ni: bECAUSE IT WAS COLD OUT

Kitten 🐱😻: You got me there

Neko-Neko-Ni: Okay, big question time…

Neko-Neko-Ni: Kenma, will you go out with me?

Kitten 🐱😻: …

Kitten 🐱😻: NO SHIT SHERLOCK

Neko-Neko-Ni: No matter what happens, I promise I'll always be there for you

Kitten 🐱😻: I know

Kitten 🐱😻: ...thanks

Neko-Neko-Ni: Are you going to be able to tell your parents?

Kitten 🐱😻: I don't know

Kitten 🐱😻: But I do know that I love you, and if Mom and Dad aren't going to accept that you make me happy and that they can't change who I am, that's their problem

Neko-Neko-Ni: I wish I could be as brave as you, love ❤

Kitten 🐱😻: You are

PM (ӦｖӦ｡) and Kurooster

(ӦｖӦ｡): Kuroo… I may have made a discovery

Kurooster: Oh, really? I didn't know your brain had the capacity to do that!

(ӦｖӦ｡): SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK YOU MEANIE

(ӦｖӦ｡): So I think…

Kurooster: Since when?

(ӦｖӦ｡): I think I might be a little spoon

Kurooster: …

Kurooster: BAHAAHAHAHAHHAHJAHAHA

(ӦｖӦ｡): DON'T LAUGH AT ME

(ӦｖӦ｡): IT FEELS NICE OKAY

Kurooster: Why do you tell me these things when you KNOW I'm going to laugh at you?!

(ӦｖӦ｡): Because Konoha doesn't like listening to me talk about Akaashi 😳

Kurooster: NEITHER DO I

(ӦｖӦ｡): LIKE YOU'VE NEVER TEXTED ME JUST TO TALK ABOUT HOW CUTE KENMA IS OR ALL THE GROSS COUPLE-Y STUFF THAT YOU DO >:(

Kurooster: OKAY, FINE. YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO SPEAK *UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES*

Kurooster: You WILL NOT get really sappy. You WILL NOT talk about adult fun time. If I get uncomfortable, YOU WILL STOP TALKING.

Kurooster: GOT IT?

(ӦｖӦ｡): OKAY, SO

(ӦｖӦ｡): I feel like he could bribe me into doing ANYTHING by offering to be big spoon, it's not even funny

(ӦｖӦ｡): He does this reaaaaally cute thing when we cuddle where he kisses me between my shoulder blades and it just makes my heart go 👆👇👉👆👈👈👉👆 ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION

Kurooster: The sappiness went from 0-100 REAL FAST

(ӦｖӦ｡): AHAHAHAHA YOU CANNOT ESCAPE NOW

Kurooster: LALALALALA I DO NOT HEAR YOU I AM NOT RECEIVING YOUR MESSAGES AT ALL

(ӦｖӦ｡): HE TOLD ME LOVED ME FOR THE FIRST TIME YESTERDAY AND I LITERALLY MADE THIS SURPRISED BIRD NOISE AND IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING

Kurooster: I do not see -👄-. My eyes have been bleached

(ӦｖӦ｡): ALSO I FINALLY MANAGED TO MAKE HIM LAUGH

(ӦｖӦ｡): AND IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL I WILL NEVER ASK FOR ANYTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE

Kurooster: You're so gross

(ӦｖӦ｡): You let Kenma spoon you and would /not shut up/ about it

(ӦｖӦ｡): FOR THREE HOURS

Kurooster: TOTALLY NOT THE SAME THING

(ӦｖӦ｡): BISH HOW

Kurooster: We weren't dating then

(ӦｖӦ｡): Oh true

(ӦｖӦ｡): WAIT

(ӦｖӦ｡): DOES THAT MEAN YOU'RE DATING NOW?!?!?!

Kurooster: You bet your gorgeous ass

(ӦｖӦ｡): YESSSSSS! FINALLY!!!

Kurooster: I know right?!?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Sorry for the relatively uneventful chapter, we really just wanted to post something cute to make you smile <3\. Bokuaka and Kuroken are becoming fluffy addictions... anywho, the "plot" will progress more in the next couple chapters!!
> 
> Oh, and if there's a Haikyuu one-shot or prompt you'd like to see us write, we have a series called "Little Gifts" that's open for requests!
> 
> Love you all,
> 
> Hetalia__Trash


	16. Send Help to the Awkward Couples

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Osasuna is awkward and the team parents deserve stans.

PM Crow Mom and Cat Puns

Cat Puns: ALRIGHT

Crow Mom: Can we let you back into the chat now?

Cat Puns: Yep 😎

Crow Mom: Not bad, Kuroo. You've certainly scored (not as much as me, of course, but we take what we can get)

Cat Puns: Are you proud of me, Mom?

Crow Mom: …

Crow Mom: Leave.

Cat Puns: BAHAHAHAHAHAHA you sound exactly like Daichi--

Crow Mom: Married couples tend to do that

Cat Puns: OOP--

Cat Puns: Hon, I wish I had that kind of relationship in my life

Crow Mom: You will someday

Crow Mom: Hang in there, boo

The Inarizaki Group Chat that Will Be Used STRICTLY FOR VOLLEYBALL PURPOSES

I wish I were stoned: Kita

I wish I were stoned: What's going on?

Samu: Why is the gym locked?

Team Dad #1: You know why

Samu: Are the rest of you already inside?

Tsumu: Lol yep

I wish I were stoned: WTH YOU GUYS

Team Dad #2: Time to get a taste of your own medicine, Osamu

Samu: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I wish I were stoned: Kita, you didn't...

Riseki: Um, what's going on?

Team Dad #1: We're tired of watching Osamu and Suna dance around their romantic tension and avoid a committed relationship like the plague. It's not healthy for the two of them and it isn't doing the team dynamic any good either.

Team Dad #2: As usual, Kita's exactly right. You're allowed back to practice when you figure this out

Team Dad #2: Oh, and if you're going to make out, please stay away from the windows. The first years don't need to see that

Tsumu: Lmao good luck Samu ^3^ 😗

I wish I were stoned: …

I wish I were stoned: I wish I were stoned

Samu: Ugh, me too

PM Suna and Shorty

Suna: So… how are we going to convince them to let us back in?

Shorty: I'm standing right in front of you, you can just talk to me…

Suna: True, but considering our situation, that would be a little… awkward?

Shorty: They're listening through the door, aren't they?

Suna: Yeah probably

Shorty: Oh my God

Shorty: This is actually happening

Suna: So…

Suna: Our teammates seem to be awfully convinced that you have feelings for me

Shorty: I mean, it's possible that I do, but, if you don't then I might not?? Like, it's really up to you whether I do or not, I guess?

Suna: Despite the fact that you and Atsumu are nearly the same person, you are SO much less smooth

Shorty: And despite the fact that Atsumu and I are nearly the same person, you seem to like me more than him

Suna: So what if I do?

Shorty: Wait, you actually do?

Suna: You are very ignorant. And you can kiss me now, if you want to

PM Kita and Aran

Aran: I think it worked

Kita: Yeah, I would say so

Aran: Fist bump

The Team Parents

Sugamama: Kuroo and Kenma have accomplished… something!!

Dadran: And Osamu and Suna are also… somewhere!

Yaku Momisuke: Success!!!

Iwaizumom: Not a bad haul for one week, guys

Momkaashi: Impressive work, everyone

Dadchi: There's only a few loose ends to tie up at this point

Kurdad: And Yaku, my friend, you are one of them

Yaku Momisuke: NO I AM NOT

Yaku Momisuke: LEAVE ME ALONE

Dadkatoshi: Oh, you can't run away now

Kurdad: TIME TO GET IT TOGETHER YAKU

Yaku Momisuke: THERE'S NOTHING TO GET TOGETHER. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE MY LIFE IS GOING AND I'M HAPPY WITH IT!

Sugamama: Oh, no, you want to be with Lev so badly it hurts

Dadchi: I think everyone here can relate to that, and we want to help

Momkawa: Yes, we want to help by being nosey and invasive! But our intentions are pure 😗😘

Yaku Momisuke: Yeah, right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2020'S FINALLY OVER, PEOPLE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I hope you all have a wonderful, wonderful 2021, or at least that it's better than... whatever 2020 was. Things might still be crappy for a while, but you are loved and you are valid.
> 
> About this chapter:  
> Osasuna isn't a ship with a whole lot of development, but for some reason I feel as though they would be very awkward once they realized their feelings for each other 😂. Maybe this chapter sounded like a 5th-grader wrote it, but at this point I can accept that. Stay tuned for the Yakulev content (FINALLY), and... *gasp* do I spy Kagehina on the horizon?!?!
> 
> Sending all our love,
> 
> Hetalia__Trash


	17. Tfw When Demiromantics Cannot Emotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, demiromantics can be pretty bad at spotting people's feelings for them 😀. I would know...

Rawr

Gamer Boi: What happened during today's practice? It's normal for Lev to be a little off his game, but you too, Yaku?

String Bean: Hey!

Demon-senpai: I'm sorry, everyone. I was distracted today and I couldn't get my head in the game. I let you all down.

Chat Noir: Hey, it happens to the best of us. Next time, try to get distracted by something OTHER than Lev's ass (which he has none of, like, what's there to get distracted over?) and I might have more sympathy

Demon-senpai: THAT WAS NOT WHAT DISTRACTED ME.

Just Kai: Yes it was

Smol Brows: ^

GUTS ARE LIFE: You just need to get in sync with your guts, dude!

Demon-senpai: Ew

String Bean: ...I'm going to assume this is the kind of conversation I should stay out of

Smol Brows: Yep

Just Kai: ^

Gamer Boi: ^^

GUTS ARE LIFE: ^^^

The Team Parents

Yaku Momisuke: WHY DID YOU GUYS HAVE TO BRING UP LEV!?!?!?

Yaku Momisuke: NOW I'M ALL WEIRD AND I CAN'T FOCUS AT PRACTICE

Kurdad: I KNEW THAT WAS WHAT IT WAS

Iwaizumom: Guess we should've seen that coming

Sugamama: We did

Dadchi: Well, Suga and I did, at least.

Dadkatoshi: Somehow that doesn't surprise me

Momkawa: Yaku, if this crush is so bad it's keeping you from focusing on volleyball, you REALLY gotta figure out how to deal with it…

Kurdad: YES. YES HE DOES.

Yaku Momisuke: QUIET, YOU!

Kurdad: YOU CANNOT SILENCE THE REVOLUTION

Yaku Momisuke: WATCH ME

Momkawa: HOLD IT

Momkawa: I've got an idea

Sugamama: Oh no

Dadchi: Oh no

Yaku Momisuke: Oh no no no no no no

Kurdad: Oh no

Dadran: Oh no

Momkaashi: Oh no

Dadkatoshi: Oh no

Iwaizumom: Oh no

Momkawa: COME ON

The Volleyball Idiots

Oinkawa 🐷: OKAY PEOPLES

Oinkawa: GAME TIME!!!

KaGAYama: Oh come on

KaGAYama: HE'S in charge?

Oinkawa 🐷: OMG CAN YOU LET ME DO WHAT I NEED TO DO

Iwa-chan~~~: Kageyama, heel!

KaGAYama: HISSSS

Oinkawa 🐷: OKAY GREAT

Oinkawa 🐷: It's time for…

Pinky: Dadadadadadadadadadadada

Oinkawa 🐷: TRUTH OR DARE!!!

Kenya: W h y

PM :3 and Tol

Tol: Fukunaga… 😵

:3: What can I do for you?

Tol: Uh 😯

Tol: I need your guidance ;-;

:3: I'm sure you do

Tol: Yaku fell asleep on my shoulder on the bus ride home from our practice game and I got really flustered 😣😱. I don't know if he remembers and it would be awkward if he did, but… is that gay?

:3: Hmmmm

:3: It's not gay unless you make it gay, but if you WANT it to be gay… that's something entirely different

Tol: O.o

Tol: Oh my God 😶

Tol: I think I like Yaku

:3: I know

Tol: HOW DID YOU KNOW I LIKED HIM BEFORE I DID?

:3: It's just how I am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAH! Sorry it took us so long to update!! Re-acclimating to school life was more crazy than we expected. Our update schedule should be back to normal soon 💖. Thanks so much for your comments on the recent chapters! We hope you enjoyed Lev being obtuse (and using way too many emojis) and Oikawa being... Oikawa.
> 
> Love,
> 
> Hetalia__Trash


	18. ALL RISE FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, the title says it all!

The Volleyball Idiots

Balder: So have we just like… given up on our game of werewolf?

Oinkawa 🐷: Well, since SOMEBODY added a bunch of new people to the chat, we can't exactly give them roles when we're in the middle of the game

Oinkawa 🐷: So yes, I guess I've given up

Grumpy Puppy: FINALLY

Sugamama: What can I say? I got bored once you guys figured out my Drunk act

Shut up and wear a mask: So we're just your scapegoats?

COCK 🐓: Essentially, yes

Kenya: ...Kuroo, I'm gonna change your name

COCK 🐓: K have fun 😗

Fluffy: Good idea, he's already really oversexualised in this fandom

Bald: kiNOSHITA

Fluffy: sORRY. I'm just tired of him being written out of character!

nAnI wO?: Watch it, you two!

Kenya has renamed COCK 🐓 "Nikki Stan"

Mini: BAHAHAHAHAKSJAJAJA IM SORRY WHAT

HOOT!: HE KNOWS--

Iwa-chan~~~: I--what?

Nikki Stan: AND HERE I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SOMETHING ROMANTIC

Thicc Brows: Dude, you can't get much more romantic than that

Pinky: Acknowledging each other's flaws! We love a healthy relationship

Nikki Stan: BEING ABLE TO RAP THE ENTIRETY OF SUPER BASS IS NOT A FLAW

Nikki Stan: It's a lifestyle choice

Kenya: And it's hilarious when he belts the chorus in the shower

Thicc Brows: Say it with me, babe

Pinky: THIS ONE IS FOR THE BOYS WITH THE BOOMING SYSTEM

Dino Nuggets: NO

Thicc Brows: TOP DOWN AC WITH THE COOLER SYSTEM

Dog Trainer: NOT AGAIN

Oinkawa 🐷: WHEN HE COME UP IN THE CLUB HE BE BLAZIN' UP

Nikki Stan: GOT STACKS ON DECK LIKE HE SAVIN UP

Kenya: I didn't ask for this--

Grumpy Puppy: And he ill, he real, he might gotta deal

Dog Trainer: KYOUTANI WHAT

Grumpy Puppy: IT'S THE NATIONAL ANTHEM OKAY?!?! IT WOULD BE DISRESPECTFUL NOT TO JOIN IN

KaGAYama: He pop bottles and he got the right kinda build

Flying Orange: KAGEYAMA---HOW

Mega: He cold

Mini: He dope

Balder: He might sell coke 👀

Nikki Stan: HE ALWAYS IN THE AIR BUT HE NEVER FLY COACH

Dadchi: He a motherf***** slip, slip

Sugamama: Love how he bleeps out the cuss words 😂😂

Send Help™: Daichi, why do you know this?

HOOT!: SAILOR ON THE SHIP, SHIP

Barry B. Benson: WHEN HE MAKE IT DRIP, DRIP

Superior Twin: KISS HIM ON THE LIP, LIP

Snek Boi: Yes please

Ace Ace: That's the kind of dude I was lookin for

Neat Freak: And yes, you get slapped if you're lookin, hoe

Snek Boi: MOM, DAD--

Fun-size: I said, excuse me, you're a hell of a guy

Daddy Long Legs: I mean, my my my my you're like pelican fly

The Goddess: Why does everyone here know this lmao

$yamagucci$: I mean, you're so shy and I'm loving your tie; you're like slicker than the guy with the thing on his eye!

Dino Nuggets: Tadashi… you drew upon the power of a semicolon for THIS?!!?

Cutie Pie ^3^: Yes I did, yes I did. Somebody please tell him who the f I is

nAnI wO?: I am Nikki Minaj, I mack them dudes up

Barry B. Benson: OMI I KNOW YOU KNOW IT

Shut up and wear a mask: Back coupes up and chuck the deuce up

Barry B. Benson: AYYYYYY

Nikki Stan: Thank you for that, you guys. My heart is full 😌

Kenya: How do these things happen

Oinkawa 🐷: We were supposed to be playing truth or dare but we got a lil' carried away

Nikki Stan: YAKU I DARE YOU TO KISS LEV

Nikki Stan: AND YOU NEED TO SEND A PIC SO WE KNOW IT HAPPENED!

Fun-size: THAT'S NOT HOW THE GAME WORKS DUMBASS

Oinkawa 🐷: Iwa-chan, he sounds just like you!

Iwa-chan~~~: I DON'T SOUND LIKE THAT, DUMBASS

Dadchi: exCUSE ME THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE

nAnI wO?: So was that a valid dare or… 👀

Oinkawa 🐷: Technically, no. I'll demonstrate the proper way of playing by going first

Oinkawa 🐷: Yaku, truth or dare?

Fun-size: What did I do to deserve this brand of torture?

Fun-size: ... Truth

Oinkawa 🐷: DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON LEV

Iwa-chan~~~: Wow, I'm dating a man with the mental maturity of a ten-year-old

Oinkawa 🐷: OCD and a crushing lack of self-esteem will do that to you 😗😘😎

Kenya: Same tbh

Oinkawa 🐷: But this show isn't about me… it's about our ~romantic leads~ who are about to confess their feelings for each other!

Daddy Long Legs: I'm not sure how to feel abt this 😶

Fun-size: I really can't win here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk what just happened.  
> That's it. That's the author's note.
> 
> Love you guys and hope you enjoyed,
> 
> Hetalia__Trash


	19. Kageyama Appreciation Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The original pretty setter needs love, guys.
> 
> Nickname List:
> 
> Makki: Pinky  
> Mattsun: Thicc Brows  
> Daichi: Dadchi  
> Suga: Sugamama  
> Yamaguchi: $yamagucci$  
> Kageyama: KaGAYama  
> Hinata: Flying Orange  
> Tsukishima: Dino Nuggets  
> Ennoshita: Mom-in-training  
> Tanaka: Balder  
> Nishinoya: Mini  
> Asahi: Mega  
> Narita: Bald  
> Kinoshita: Fluffy  
> Yachi: Villager B  
> Kiyoko: The Goddess  
> Iwaizumi: Iwa-chan~~~  
> Oikawa: Oinkawa 🐷  
> Yahaba: Dog Trainer  
> Kyoutani: Grumpy Puppy  
> Kuroo: Nikki Stan  
> Kenma: Kenya  
> Yaku: Fun-Size  
> Lev: Daddy Long Legs  
> Bokuto: HOOT!  
> Akaashi: Send Help™  
> Ushijima: Cutie Pie ^3^  
> Tendou: nAnI wO?  
> Sakusa: Shut up and wear a mask  
> Atsumu: Barry B. Benson  
> Osamu: Superior Twin  
> Kita: Neat Freak  
> Aran: Ace Ace  
> Suna: Snek Boi
> 
> (If we missed a character, please let us know in the comments)

Fun-size: I really can't win here

Mom-in-Training: Aha

Mom-in-Training: tHaT's ThE jOkE

Nikki Stan: Okay boo time to spill the tea 😍

Kenya: If you ever say that again I will smack you as hard as I physically can in the left temple with a stainless steel frying pan

Cutie Pie ^3^: That is a VERY specific threat

Kenya: Y e s

Oinkawa 🐷: GUYSSSS you're distracting Yaku!

Ace Ace: With this many crackheads in one chat, it's pretty difficult to stay on topic…

Snek Boi: Wow. Way to call me out, Dad.

Neat Freak: Suna, do we need to take you to rehab?

Snek Boi: I'M KIDDING OML

Superior Twin: Don't worry! If he ever got himself into any real danger, I'd look out for him

Barry B. Benson: Imagine having a supportive boyfriend lmao

Shut up and wear a mask: I'm supportive!

Barry B. Benson: BISH WHERE

Oinkawa 🐷: I sense that I've met a kindred spirit 😞

Iwa-chan~~~: I'M SUPPORTIVE!

Oinkawa 🐷: See what I mean?

Barry B. Benson: YES

Fun-size: yesilikelev

Oinkawa 🐷: It's like they only care about us when we compliment them! "Healthy relationship" my nonexistent ass

Flying Orange: I KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT!!!!

Dino Nuggets: *you're

KaGAYama: What?

Sugamama: HINATA ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WHO I THINK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT?!

Villager B: *GASP* Is it happening?

Nikki Stan: WHY ARE YOU ALL JUST IGNORING THAT YAKU CONFESSED!??!!?!?

Daddy Long Legs: WHAT WHERE

Oinkawa: WHAT WHERE?!?!?!?

Fun-size: FRACC I THOUGHT I GOT AWAY WITH IT

Daddy Long Legs: Fquerotognsp pamlnmcvvpl pippinpapsicopolis

Kenya: Omg wow they're in loooove

Kenya: Totally never saw that one coming

Daddy Long Legs: Slqpepxmvbbotocl

HOOT!: KENMAAA don't be so cynical! This is a big moment!!! We finally coaxed them into admittance and acceptance!!!

Send Help™: I'm… amazed that you spelled all that right

HOOT!: AKAASHIIIII RUUUUUDE

Daddy Long Legs: Aldppgppekckskgphn

nAnI wO?: Um I think we broke the beanpole

Nikki Stan: lev.exe has stopped working

Fun-size: When does Lev ever work?

Daddy Long Legs: I'D WORK HARDER IF YOU LET ME HAVE WATER BREAKS DEMON-SENPAI

Fun-size: Ah, he lives

Fun-size: Glad to have you back

Daddy Long Legs: Yaku…just…showed me...affection…

Daddy Long Legs: Appdkleovosnnskflv

Flying Orange: You sound like Bakayama 😂😂

KaGAYama: I DO NOT SOUND LIKE THAT

Sugamama: Yes you do

Oinkawa 🐷: Ooh, does our little Tobio have a crush? Look how much you've grown!

Dadchi: He isn't yours anymore, Oikawa

Iwa-chan~~~: I mean, Tooru and I are kind of his dads. Why do you think he acts so much like us?

Sugamama: You might have been his original parents, but he's part of Karasuno now. It's our privilege to be able to watch him grow and mature

Dadchi: We're glad you're with us, Kageyama

Balder: YOU GUYS T-T

KaGAYama: ...thank you guys. Really

Mega: We should be thanking you, Kageyama. You make our team stronger

Flying Orange: I don't say this often, but I wouldn't be where I am without you! You make me feel like I really am invincible

Mini: I'm bouta cry and this praise isn't even for me

KaGAYama: -////-

Oinkawa 🐷: WHY DO YOU GUYS NEVER COMPLIMENT ME?!

Pinky: When you start to deserve it, we will

Iwa-chan~~~: ^

Cutie Pie ^3^: I believe you have ruined the moment, Oikawa.

Oinkawa 🐷: (; ･`д･´)

Fun-size: Shouldn't we get back to the game?

Nikki Stan: OOOH yes!

Fun-size: Suga, truth or dare?

Sugamama: DARE

Fun-size: I dare you to propose to Daichi

Sugamama: Oh, I plan to. It's a little early, but someday, I will

Dadchi: Sawamura.exe has stopped working

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An long-ish chapter because it's been a hot second since we posted... I hope you enjoyed watching the chronicles of Yaku and Lev the idiots continue! Also, I really love seeing Kageyama happy; he's a surprisingly in-depth character and although that's hard to explore in a lighthearted fic like this, he's so fun to write. 
> 
> Go forth and love thyself,
> 
> Hetalia__Trash


	20. Iwa-chan!!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iwaizumi needs to see a relationship therapist.
> 
> But he has musical taste.

Sugamama: My daily flustering of Daichi has been completed. You may all continue with your daily tasks

Sugamama: Iwa-chan~ truth or date?

Sugamama: I mean dare!

Oinkawa 🐷: Are you--are you making moves on my man?

Oinkawa 🐷: BACK UP, HONEY. SQUARE UP. SQUARE. UP! LEAVE MY HOT GUY ALONE!!! IT TOOK ME FOREVER TO FIND HIM!!! GET YOUR OWN!!!!

Iwa-chan~~~: Tooru, calm down. I'm sure he didn't mean any harm

Sugamama: I'm so sorry, I just wanted to see how you'd react 😂😂

Mega: You are a true force of chaos, Suga

Oinkawa 🐷: HISSSSSSSSSS

KaGAYama: Woah

KaGAYama: Calm down Jamal, don't pull out the nine

Balder: AHAHAHAHAHAHA

Cutie Pie ^3^: Well, at least now we know where Kageyama gets his strange argumentative habits from

Oinkawa 🐷: DON'T COMPARE ME TO HIM, FARMER BOY!

Nikki Stan: You're kinda proving Ushiwaka's point there, bud

Oinkawa 🐷: AND DON'T U TRY TO BELITTLE ME YOU MANSPLAINER

Nikki Stan: HOW IS IT MANSPLAINING?!?! I'M BEING HONEST!

Oinkawa 🐷: LEAVE ME ALONE

Ace Ace: I think the sane people need to take over this chat again…

Iwa-chan~~~: Sounds about right. I choose dare, Suga

Mini: Oh

Mom-in-Training: Oh, THAT was a bad idea

Sugamama: Let

Sugamama: Oikawa

Iwa-chan~~~: Ohgodpleaseno

Sugamama: Check

Oinkawa 🐷: I like where this is going

Sugamama: Your

Iwa-chan~~~: TRUTH TRUTH TRUTH I WANTED TO SAY TRUTH IT WAS A TYPO

Sugamama: Phone

Sugamama: He gets 3 minutes to look through whatever he wants, then he has to give your phone back

Dog Trainer: HAHAHAHAHASBAHHAH

Iwa-chan~~~: SUGA HOW COULD YOU

Iwa-chan~~~: PLEASE SPARE ME

Oinkawa 🐷: Alright honey, hand it over <3

Iwa-chan~~~: No matter what you see

Iwa-chan~~~: Remember that I love you. Think of all the times I said nice things to you or let you talk me into buying dinner for you

Oinkawa 🐷: Iwa-chan… what don't you want me to see?

Iwa-chan~~~: Please remember that I have a reputation among our team, and things will fall apart if it's destroyed

Send Help™: What is he talking about?

Iwa-chan~~~: Yahoo~ this is Oikawa (I'm checking his search history rn)

Iwa-chan~~~: FLGOQPOAJFOGKGNNROFPEPN

Iwa-chan~~~: HIS WALLPAPER IS A BLACKPINK POSTER

Iwa-chan~~~: HE SENT THEM--JDOPSMSHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Iwa-chan~~~: HE SENT THEM FANMAIL

Iwa-chan~~~: I'M HYPERVENTILATING YOU GUYS SEND HELP

Iwa-chan~~~: OMG HE HASN'T CLEARED HIS SEARCH HISTORY IN TWO WEEKS 

Iwa-chan~~~: I'M DATING AN IDIOT WAHAHAHAHA

nAnI wO?: And now we just sit back and watch the chaos unfold...

Iwa-chan~~~: Oh… oh my goodness diddly darn

Fun-size: ????? Spill it, what did you find?

Iwa-chan~~~: It's…

Iwa-chan~~~: Oikawa x Reader fanfiction

Fluffy: NO--

Villager B: OH MY GOODNESS

KaGAYama: I REALLY don't know how to feel about this

Kenya: Screenshotted

Barry B. Benson: ^

Iwa-chan~~~: IT LOOKS LIKE ONE OF MY FANS WROTE IT AND HE REGULARLY VISITS HER BLOG

Mini: AAAAAAAAAHHHHH

HOOT!: Um, ecksplanashun please?

Send Help™: That's not even close to how you spell that

HOOT!: I DON'T NEED SPELLING I'M GONNA PLAY VOLLEYBALL TILL THE DAY I DIE

Iwa-chan~~~: OH--OH THANK GOD IT'S NOT SMUT

Dadchi: Okay, your three minutes are up, Oikawa

Oinkawa 🐷: I'm scarred for life

Iwa-chan~~~: I hate you all

Iwa-chan~~~: I want to go home

Grumpy Puppy: You've got some explaining to do…

Oinkawa 🐷: I'm not gonna sleep tonight

Iwa-chan~~~: FIRST OF ALL

Iwa-chan~~~: Blackpink SLAPS, and if you can't acknowledge that, you're uneducated

Iwa-chan~~~: AND SECONDLY, if Oikawa showed me genuine affection, I wouldn't have to turn to CRAPPILY WRITTEN FANFICTIONS WITH 14 READS AND NO COMMAS IN SIGHT

Oinkawa 🐷: OH, SURE, BLAME IT ALLLLLL ON ME

Oinkawa 🐷: THIS IS NOT THE FOUNDATION OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, IWA!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ACK!!!! I SUDDENLY TURN AROUND AND IT'S BEEN A WEEK SINCE I UPDATED!!! My humblest apologies, everyone!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the newest chapter, featuring Oikawa being scarred, Iwaizumi needing help, and Suga and Tendou reveling in the chaos. I don't think Iwaizumi's rep is ever gonna recover from this one 😅 (I'm so mean to him, you guys, I'm sorry).
> 
> Oh, and, wow! 20 chapters already! We've only got a few more ships to resolve, so this fic should be wrapping up soon. If you'd like to see more from us, though, we've got a few stories in the works right now >:), and we may take requests for extra chapters if there's interest shown.
> 
> YOU'RE AWESOME,
> 
> Hetalia__Trash


	21. Scary Boyfriends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iwaoi needs to get its mERDE TOGETHER. Meanwhile, chaos continues and nothing gets done.
> 
> Nickname list:  
> Daichi: Dadchi  
> Suga: Sugamama  
> Yamaguchi: $yamagucci$  
> Kageyama: KaGAYama  
> Hinata: Flying Orange  
> Tsukishima: Dino Nuggets  
> Ennoshita: Mom-in-training  
> Tanaka: Balder  
> Nishinoya: Mini  
> Asahi: Mega  
> Narita: Bald  
> Kinoshita: Fluffy  
> Yachi: Villager B  
> Kiyoko: The Goddess  
> Iwaizumi: Iwa-chan~~~  
> Oikawa: Oinkawa 🐷  
> Yahaba: Dog Trainer  
> Kyoutani: Grumpy Puppy  
> Kuroo: Nikki Stan  
> Kenma: Kenya  
> Yaku: Fun-Size  
> Lev: Daddy Long Legs  
> Bokuto: HOOT!  
> Akaashi: Send Help™  
> Ushijima: Cutie Pie ^3^  
> Tendou: nAnI wO?  
> Sakusa: Shut up and wear a mask  
> Atsumu: Barry B. Benson  
> Osamu: Superior Twin  
> Kita: Neat Freak  
> Aran: Ace Ace  
> Suna: Snek Boi

Oinkawa 🐷: THIS IS NOT THE FOUNDATION OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, IWA!

Iwa-chan~~~: AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?

Oinkawa 🐷: WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SOMEONE'S FAULT?!?! WHY CAN'T WE JUST SOLVE THESE THINGS TOGETHER?

Mom-in-Training: Literally what is happening rn

Dadchi: Who knows

Oinkawa 🐷: EVERY ARGUMENT WE'VE EVER HAD STEMMED FROM A LACK OF COMMUNICATION

$yamagucci$: Same

Dino Nuggets: 😳

Iwa-chan~~~: BECAUSE YOU PRETEND WE HAVE THIS SOULMATE BOND AND EXPECT ME TO NATURALLY KNOW WHAT YOU NEED AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

Iwa-chan~~~: I WANT TO BE ABLE TO BE THERE FOR YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, DUMBASS

Iwa-chan~~~: BUT I CAN'T IF YOU DON'T TELL ME HOW TO HELP

Oinkawa 🐷: WOW THAT HIT ME IN THE FEELS

HOOT!: EVERYONE'S TYPING IN ALL CAPS AND I FEEL LEFT OUT

Send Help™: Stop talking, Bokuto.

HOOT!: 😯 Don't speak to your captain like that, Akaashi!!!

Nikki Stan: Shizzle's going downnnn

HOOT!: YOU STAY OUT OF THIS

Oinkawa 🐷: HEY

Iwa-chan~~~: WE'RE HAVING A MOMENT HERE

Oinkawa 🐷: My thoughts exactly

Oinkawa 🐷: And you say we don't have a psychic bond ;)

Iwa-chan~~~: Dork

Grumpy Puppy: *vomiting*

Dog Trainer: *also vomiting*

Oinkawa 🐷: Why are our kouhai so disrespectful? Where did we go wrong?

Sugamama: I ask myself that every DAY

Nikki Stan: Ohmigod SAAAAAAME

Kenya: I'm allowed to be disrespectful to you, we're dating

Nikki Stan: Why… why is that so cute coming from you?

Shut up and wear a mask: SEE, Atsumu? Teasing is normal

Barry B. Benson: Every relationship is different, Omi. You don't NEED to be rude

Barry B. Benson: But don't worry, I find the prickly personality kinda hot

Superior Twin: Keep it in your pants, bro

Ace Ace: I'm too ace for this conversation, can I please go home? ;-;

Mega: Oooh!

Mini: NOW the name makes sense!

nAnI wO?: HA! I KNEW IT!!!

nAnI wO?: See that, Wakatoshi? Told ya there was a kindred spirit here

Cutie Pie ^3^: Aha

Cutie Pie ^3^: I suppose we've finally located the ace up the sleeve

nAnI wO?: Are you not the one who said that puns are the lowest form of humor? Especially bad puns?

Cutie Pie ^3^: Gay puns are a clear exception

Dino Nuggets: HOW do I tolerate you people?

$yamagucci$: Because you get separation anxiety every time I'm in a chat that you don't have access to

Dino Nuggets: Oh, right. That.

Balder: Awwww, look how much he relies on you, Tadashi!!! He's just a jealous, soft-hearted dweeb!!

Dino Nuggets: I WILL hurt you, Tanaka

Dino Nuggets: Don't test me

Mom-in-Training: WATCH IT

Flying Orange: Oop--battle of the scary boyfriends--

Sugamama: It's not a REAL scary bf battle if Daichi and Asahi aren't in on it

Mega: You're scary, too, Suga

Dadchi: I second that

Sugamama: Who, me?

Cutie Pie ^3^: I'm sorry, have you MET my boyfriend?

Snek Boi: Here we go…

Grumpy Puppy: You've clearly never seen Yahaba angry

Fluffy: Can we NOT do this?

Villager B: Too late

Oinkawa 🐷: Let's not forget the time Iwa nearly beat a random guy up for hitting on me 😍

Dadchi: Um, why do you seem to find that hot?

nAnI wO?: The horny vibes are strong today

Ace Ace: I am very uncomfortable with the energy we've created in the studio today

Nikki Stan: Y'all remember the time Kenma threatened to hit me over the head with a steel frying pan? You know, literally two chapters ago?

Kenya: Suck it up, you know I'd never actually do that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a LONG time since I've seen positive asexual/aromantic representation in media, so I figured I needed to write it myself. Unfortunately, the ace characters--or rather, their ace-ness--won't be heavily focused on in this story, but I figured it couldn't hurt to include some ✨representation✨ to acknowledge the validity of asexual people and show that I love them ❤.
> 
> With that bit of explanation out of the way, what did you guys think of the newest chapter? Truth or Date (I mean, uh, dare) will be picking up again in the next chapter, but I wanted to check in on all my volleyball idiots' relationship statuses in case your memory's gotten foggy.
> 
> Thanks for reading, you beautiful human,
> 
> Hetalia__Trash


	22. Soft Side?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Truth or... truth?
> 
> Nickname list:  
> Daichi: Dadchi  
> Suga: Sugamama  
> Yamaguchi: $yamagucci$  
> Kageyama: KaGAYama  
> Hinata: Flying Orange  
> Tsukishima: Dino Nuggets  
> Ennoshita: Mom-in-training  
> Tanaka: Balder  
> Nishinoya: Mini  
> Asahi: Mega  
> Narita: Bald  
> Kinoshita: Fluffy  
> Yachi: Villager B  
> Kiyoko: The Goddess  
> Iwaizumi: Iwa-chan~~~  
> Oikawa: Oinkawa 🐷  
> Yahaba: Dog Trainer  
> Kyoutani: Grumpy Puppy  
> Kuroo: Nikki Stan  
> Kenma: Kenya  
> Yaku: Fun-Size  
> Lev: Daddy Long Legs  
> Bokuto: HOOT!  
> Akaashi: Send Help™  
> Ushijima: Cutie Pie ^3^  
> Tendou: nAnI wO?  
> Sakusa: Shut up and wear a mask  
> Atsumu: Barry B. Benson  
> Osamu: Superior Twin  
> Kita: Neat Freak  
> Aran: Ace Ace  
> Suna: Snek Boi

Nikki Stan: Y'all remember the time Kenma threatened to hit me over the head with a steel frying pan? You know, literally two chapters ago?

Kenya: Suck it up, you know I'd never actually do that

Nikki Stan: Yeah, I know ❤

Iwa-chan~~~: Asahi, truth or dare?

Mega: Truth, definitely truth, always truth

Mini: Wimp

Sugamama: I KNOW you didn't just mistreat my son, Nishinoya

Mini: No, sir! Never!

Shut up and wear a mask: Remember the time Nishinoya tried to beat me up after I said I had more physical power than Asahi?

Barry B. Benson: He gives me those "only I can make fun of my boyfriend" vibes

Mini: Damn right I can

HOOT!: I feel like 90% of the people here have that kind of boyfriend

Send Help™: I'm sorry, I don't remember giving you permission to ruthlessly roast me today

Oinkawa 🐷: Way to call us out, Bokuto

Iwa-chan~~~: Asahi, what is the grossest thing you do on a regular basis?

Mini: ME!

Mega: NISHI

Mini: BAHAHAHAHA I'M SORRY

Mini: I SWEAR I HAVEN'T DEFILED UR SON SUGA!!! IT WAS AN OPPORTUNITY THAT WAS TOO PERFECT TO PASS UP

Dadchi: You better not have gone NEAR him

Mega: I'm LITERALLY the same age as you. I can make my own decisions

Mini: BITCH SINCE WHEN

Mega: STOP ITTTTT

Mega: And the grossest thing I do on a regular basis is probably… sharing food with Yū

Bald: I think anyone who's seen Nishinoya eat can agree with that

Fluffy: It literally makes me feel threatened

Mini: WOW JUST CALL ME OUT WHY DON'T YOU

Barry B. Benson: NEVER offer to let Sakusa call u out. You will not recover

Cutie Pie ^3^: I take it you haven't gotten on Oikawa's bad side, then

KaGAYama: There's nothing harmful about being on Oikawa's bad side. He just makes himself look like an idiot

Oinkawa 🐷: Excuse me?!?!

nAnI wO?: He's kinda right actually

Pinky: ^

Thicc Brows: ^^

Oinkawa 🐷: CAN YOU PEOPLE GIVE ME A BREAK?!?! FOR /ONE/ CHAPTER?!

Fun-size: Probably not

Send Help™: Yeah, no

Mega: Tsukishima, truth or dare?

Dino Nuggets: Truth

Neat Freak: Ah, here we go again

Mega: Which of Tadashi's habits do you find cutest?

Dino Nuggets: Ugh, ew

Flying Orange: We get to see Tsukishima's soft side! Weird

$yamagucci$: Weird for you, maybe. It's a normal occurrence for me 😆😎

Dino Nuggets: I do NOT have a soft side!

Dino Nuggets: ...But I like how he can't fall asleep unless he's hugging something

Dino Nuggets: Especially when "something" is me

$yamagucci$: O.o

$yamagucci$: Cuuuuute

Sugamama: Everybody say it with me

Sugamama: Awwwwwwwww

Dadchi: Awwwwww

Oinkawa 🐷: Awwwwwwww

Mega: Awwwwwwww

Villager B: Awwwww

Flying Orange: Awwwwwwwww

KaGAYama: Aw

Dino Nuggets: SHUT UP

Flying Orange: Kags!!!! You showed emotion!!

Superior Twin: Awwwwwwww

Barry B. Benson: Ewwwwwwww

Shut up and wear a mask: Ewwwwwww

Ace Ace: You guys just HAD to ruin it, huh?

Barry B. Benson: It's part of the job, chief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An early update for you lovely people!!! My co-author and I are currently quarantined until next week because someone near us tested positive for COVID, but on the bright side, we have a TON of free time to write now! (Don't worry, the person who got COVID is okay as far as we know.)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed seeing our boys being sappy (I love 'em so much). I promise, one of these days, I WILL give Oikawa a break. Someday...
> 
> Maybe.
> 
> Love,
> 
> Hetalia__Trash


	23. The High Council of Karasuno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AaaaaAAAaaAhhH
> 
> Yeah, something like that.
> 
> Name List:  
> Bokuto: HOOT!  
> Akaashi: Send Help™  
> Tsukishima: Dino Nuggets/Tsukisaurus  
> Kuroo: Nikki Stan  
> Yamaguchi: Potato/Tadashi  
> Suga: Vice Captain  
> Daichi: Captain  
> An old man: The Real Coach Ukai  
> Keishin Ukai: Coach Ukai  
> Takeda: Takeda-sensei

PM Potato and Tsukisaurus

Potato: Have you noticed how weird Kageyama and Hinata have been acting lately?

Tsukisaurus: When are they NOT weird?

Potato: No, I mean they're, like, staring at each other during practice and actually blushing when Coach tells them to stop flirting

Tsukisaurus: They were already doing that, too

Potato: TSUKKI!!!

Tsukisaurus: TADASHI!!!!

Potato: I think they like each other… as in /like like/ each other!

Tsukisaurus: Yes, clearly

Tsukisaurus: ...Wait, are you insinuating that…

Potato: I think they don't…

Tsukisaurus: HOW HAVE THEY NOT REALIZED?

Potato: I DON'T KNOW!! THEY'RE THE MOST UNSUBTLE PEOPLE I'VE EVER MET

Potato: But also the most oblivious…

Tsukisaurus: So they like each other, but rather than pining or confessing like normal human beings, they haven't even discovered that they have feelings for one another yet

Potato: I think so

Tsukisaurus: UGH, why do we even try to help these idiots?

Potato: We should probably go to The Council for this one

Tsukisaurus: No, not this again…

Potato: They're not THAT bad

Tsukisaurus: They're unerringly that bad

Potato: True, true

Tsukisaurus: Do you remember your confession to me?

Potato: NO, NO I DO NOT

Potato: THAT EVENT HAS BEEN ERASED FROM MY MEMORY COMPLETELY

Tsukisaurus: Okay, Mr. Amnesiac

Tsukisaurus: It was hilarious, though

Potato: Tsukiiiii, please stop

Tsukisaurus: You yelled, "I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, DUMBASS!" from the top of a balcony! How am I supposed to NOT bring it up?

Potato: Because it was embarrassing!

Tsukisaurus: Maybe, but it was very... you. That's part of the reason why I said yes

Potato: I'm gonna screenshot that. It goes on "The Quote Wall of Blackmail Material Featuring Tsukki's Soft Side"

Tsukisaurus: I've never heard a title so simultaneously wordy and terrifying

The High Council of Karasuno

Coach Ukai: FOR GOD'S SAKE, OLD MAN, JUST GIVE IT UP ALREADY!!! YOU'RE NOT THEIR COACH ANYMORE!!!

The Real Coach Ukai: I'LL GIVE IT UP WHEN YOUR SCRAPED-TOGETHER TEAM WINS NATIONALS WITHOUT MY GUIDANCE!

The Real Coach Ukai: NOT GONNA HAPPEN, IS IT?

Takeda-sensei: Calm down, please, you two! We made this chat to help out the team, not argue with each other!

The Real Coach Ukai: NOT NOW, SPECS

Coach Ukai: NOT NOW, SPECS

Takeda-sensei: Gah, okay!!

The Real Coach Ukai: I can't believe a man like me raised such an awkward good-for-nothing!!

Coach Ukai: Oh, REALLY? With a parenting style like yours, I have no trouble believing that!

The Real Coach Ukai: DON'T EVEN START WITH THAT, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE--

Captain: ENOUGH

Captain: Takeda-sensei is right. We didn't make this group chat for feuding, we made it for solving feuds! Can we keep that in mind?

Takeda-sensei: Thank you, Daichi

Tadashi: Uh, hi? We need some help

Vice Captain: And we're here to give it! What's up, Yamaguchi?

Tadashi: It's about Hinata and Kageyama

Tsukishima: And while we're complaining about stupid things, do we really need to call you guys "The High Council?"

The Real Coach Ukai: Yes.

Vice Captain: Yes.

Captain: Y e s .

Coach Ukai: Yes.

Takeda-sensei: Yes.

Tsukishima: I can't do it anymore

Tsukishima: I'm so done

_Tsukishima has left the chat._

Tadashi: Uh, sorry about him… anyway, I think we need to help out Kageyama and Hinata

Takeda-sensei: What's the problem?

Coach Ukai: We're talking about Kageyama and Hinata here. What ISN'T the problem?

Tadashi: You know how they've got giant crushes on each other?

Captain: Duh

Coach Ukai: Yep

Vice Captain: Uh-huh

The Real Coach Ukai: ^

Takeda-sensei: ^^

Tadashi: Well, we originally thought they were just emotionally inept and didn't want to confess. Or maybe they were turning romance into some kind of competition? It seemed like something they would do.

Tadashi: But now I think they might not have even realized that they have crushes at all. Think about the way they act! They're practically two halves of the same person, but they seem like they've never considered dating at all!

Vice Captain: Oh my god

Captain: You're right

Captain: WHY ARE YOU RIGHT

Coach Ukai: Ooooooooh, this'll be messy

Takeda-sensei: Leave us, please, Tadashi! The High Council must deliberate

Tadashi: Good luck with that...

The Volleyball Idiots

Dino Nuggets: Akaashi, truth or dare?

Send Help™: Dare, I suppose

Dino Nuggets: I dare you to hold Bokuto's hand throughout the entirety of our next practice match

HOOT!: *GASP* YES DOITDOITDOIT YAAAAYYYYYY

Send Help™: You wouldn't

Dino Nuggets: I would

Send Help™: Mmm, I love the taste of self-subjection to humiliation first thing in the morning

HOOT!: Can anyone here translate that into my language?

Nikki Stan: Akaashi doesn't want to be seen with you

Send Help™: That is NOT what I said

Send Help™: Thank you for sabotaging my team, Tsukishima

Dino Nuggets: Always a pleasure

HOOT!: 😳😳😳

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ack.
> 
> Where to begin?
> 
> I'm so, so, so very sorry for disappearing!!! I hit a writer's block the size of an iceberg and couldn't decide where I wanted this story to go. I've been winging it for the last few chapters and wasn't sure whether I liked what was happening, but I'M FINALLY BACK and do not intend to take any more unplanned hiatuses. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and please trust me when I say there will be more coming soon (for real this time)!
> 
> Thanks for sticking with us. It truly means a lot. Seriously, 11K HITS? We NEVER expected to get here, and your kind comments and Kudos are sometimes the only thing keeping me writing. From the bottom of my rotten heart, thank you.
> 
> All our love,
> 
> Hetalia__Trash


	24. No Sleep Just This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys, girls and variations thereupon have a chat about stereotypes and lack of sleep

Send Help™: Sakusa, truth or dare?

Shut up and wear a mask: Truth

Barry B. Benson: You know what you need to do, Akaashi

Send Help™: Yep

Send Help™: What is the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you during volleyball practice?

Shut up and wear a mask: Godammit

Barry B. Benson: Remember… if you lie, I'll know

Shut up and wear a mask: UUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHH I HATE IT HERE

Oinkawa 🐷: Ditto babes

Shut up and wear a mask: It was probably…

Balder: 👀👀👀👀👀

Kenya: Spill the tea bishhhhh

Shut up and wear a mask: The time I arrived at practice, then had to leave because of back pain. I didn't hit a single spike that day. Everyone started blowing up the group chat asking if I was sore because I was bottoming but it was actually just a strain in my ligaments from practicing serves.

Cutie Pie ^3^: Would it be rude if I burst into laughter?

Snek Boi: Yes

Snek Boi: SO DO IT.

Shut up and wear a mask: The entire team thinks I'm a bottom to this day.

HOOT!: I'm just gonna come right out and say something

HOOT!: ✨controversial yet brave✨

HOOT!: There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking it up the @$$, because that's just a preference. It doesn't define you as a person unless you genuinely want it to and it's not anyone else's right to judge you for it

Sugamama: PERIODT

Superior Twin: 👏👏👏👏

Dino Nuggets: That might be the most intelligent thing I've ever heard you say

Nikki Stan: That might be the most intelligent thing he's ever said, period.

Send Help™: I can attest to that

HOOT!: CAN YOU PEOPLE PLEASE JUST LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT?

Iwa-chan~~~: No, probably not

Oinkawa 🐷: I stand with the frosted-tips-giant-ti🅱🅱ies himbo on this one. BOTTOM RIGHTS BABY

nAnI wO?: If everyone was ace, we wouldn't have this problem

nAnI wO?: The human race would either find a way to asexually reproduce or die out, and I have no issue with either of those

Ace Ace: We can stop enforcing bottom/top stereotypes and start enforcing ace supremacy

Mega: Should I be scared?

nAnI wO?: V e r y

Neat Freak: I'm just trying to water my plants like the horticulture-studying cottagecore beech I am

Neat Freak: And then I get over 30 notifications. And I check my phone

Neat Freak: And I see THIS

Fun-size: That's a whole mood ngl

Neat Freak: ONE NORMAL DAY, GUYS, THAT'S ALL I WANT

Villager B: I think he's about to lose it! Aran, do something!!!

Ace Ace: What do you expect me to do!? I can't de-escalate a situation once normalcy gets brought into it!

Neat Freak: ONE NORMAL DAY SO I CAN STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT MESS I'LL HAVE TO CLEAN UP NEXT

Dadchi: THANK YOU!!!

Dadchi: I'm only trying to survive my third year and these kids are knocking the vice principal's toupee off and trashing the gym and I have twelve tests on Monday and I JUST WANT TO SLEEP.

Iwa-chan~~~: There are visible bags under my eyes. THEY'RE SO OBVIOUS EVEN AFTER I STOLE TOORU'S FANCY-ASS RICH PERSON MOISTURIZER!! I'M SUBSISTING ON CAFFEINE AND NEURODIVERGENCE HERE GUYS

Oinkawa 🐷: So THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FANCY-ASS RICH PERSON MOISTURIZER

Oinkawa 🐷: TRAITOR

$yamagucci$: You complain about not getting enough sleep when you're liTERALLY PLAYING TRUTH OR DARE BY PHONE AT /THREE IN THE GODDAMN MORNING/

KaGAYama: Shhhhh… if we don't acknowledge time, we can pretend it's not passing

Thicc Brows: Honey I'm not sleeping OR passing but I don't acknowledge that either

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!!! Sorry about the shorter chapter.
> 
> Seriously, though, screw harmful stereotypes. We didn't create this story to rant about random issues, but it never hurts to remind you all that you don't need to let anyone else's view of you affect who you are. People can be rude and hurtful and unempathetic, but you, at the very least, deserve to be accepted by yourself.
> 
> THIS IS A CRACK FIC WHY AM I TALKING LIKE I JUST WALKED OUT OF A BARBIE MOVIE
> 
> Love,
> 
> Hetalia__Trash

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by melonnie on YT, go check them out!
> 
> Will try to update weekly.


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